Anna and Sleep

Anna has no problem sleeping during the day... Anywhere you put her is a good nap spot.

Anna isn't sleeping through the night yet.  I haven't gone back to confirm, but I feel like Juliet was down to one feeding a this point.  Anna is still eating at 1030, 1030, and 430.  And that's hard on me.  Ray is gone, so there's no one to help with the night duty, and I'm back at work full time.  Sleep is a hot commodity around here, and I'm not getting enough of it.  

Lack of sleep has a lot of adverse effects, and not the least of which is crabbiness.  I find that I am particularly impatient after a rough night with Anna (where she woke up more than usual or was up for long stretches instead of eating and going right back to sleep).  I'm also more prone to cry from feeling just so damn overwhelmed by it all.  Life is stressful, and it's hard for me to handle stress when I'm tired.

Hugh told me at the check-up last week that I could choose to let Anna cry it out in the middle of the night if I wanted, that it wouldn't harm her physically because she's growing well and didn't need the calories she's getting at those feedings.  I did some reading in Babywise and remembered that sometimes, kids need a little help dropping the middle-of-the-night feeding.  I'm torn about what to do, though.  I want to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time, but I'm terrified that if I let Anna cry it out, she'll wake Juliet (even though that's never happened before) and I'll end up with two screaming girls in the middle of the night with no one to help me settle them both back down.

I honestly think that at this point, she's waking out of habit more than anything else, so I may try to get her to settle down without feeding her and see if that makes a difference.  But it's so tempting to just feed her when I know that will keep her quiet and put her back to sleep.   I'm sure I'll get it figured out soon enough.  But it's times like these that I really, really miss Ray.  He can advise all he wants from afar and offer me all the support in the world.  But when it's time to pull the trigger and listen to her cry (and run the risk of waking Juliet), I'm on my own.  Funny how a grown woman can be so scared of a two-year old and a two-month old, isn't it?

Sleeping peacefully after a good supper.

Juliet the Parrot

Last week, I had a parent-teacher conference at Juliet's school.  Thankfully, this was a routine deal where all parents go in to discuss their children's progress - not some conference required because my child was misbehaving.

In the conference, the school's curriculum director and Juliet's teacher talked to me about Juliet's strengths and weaknesses and about where she fell among other children her age.  I was pleased to learn that her communication skills were at the top of the charts and that she was the only one in her class to know all her colors and most of her letters and numbers.

I would love to be able to tell you what we've done to foster Juliet's mastery of such things, but I have to be honest.  I think we do what most parents do: we talk to her a lot without using baby talk, and we read to her all the time.  And when we read, we stop and ask her questions about what she sees on the pages and ask her to identify things.  That's about it.  No Baby Einstein videos or tapes.  No Mozart.  Just good, old fashioned reading.

Like most children, Juliet has started repeating what she hears others say.  This has been going on for quite a while now, but it's becoming much more obvious lately.  For example, we were in the car together on Friday.  I stopped to get gas and purchased a car wash at the pump.  I drove to the wash and realized I'd forgotten the receipt with the wash code on it, so as I turned the car around, I said, "Oh crap.  I'm such an idiot."  And Juliet promptly said, "Oh crap. I'm an idiot."  Whoopsie.

It's funny, too, how she'll pick up on things you don't realize she's picking up on.  Whenever I'm holding or feeding Anna, Juliet likes to ask me to do things for her.  And she will ask again and again and again even after I explain that I'll help her as soon as I'm done with Anna.  Sometimes, I get frustrated with her repeated requests and will say, "I'm working on it!"  Today, Juliet had my car keys and was trying to lock Anna's door with them.  I asked, "Are you trying to lock Anna's door?" and she said quickly in the exact same exasperated tone I'm sure I use, "I'm working on it!"

In my ongoing quest to get Juliet to do what I ask her to do without me having to repeat myself, I've instituted a count.  Before Ray left, he started this with her, using a countdown from five, and that's what I've continued with.  I've found it to be very effective as she knows she won't like what happens if I get to one.  But never has it been more clear that the counting-consequence made an impact with Juliet than when we were outside throwing the ball for Ninja late last week.  (Please excuse her lack of pants and her messy hair.  She's two and does what she wants far more than I'd like.)

I love this kid.

They Might Be Giants

No, seriously.  They might be.

Today, Anna and Juliet both had well-child visit with Hugh.  I knew this would be a doozie of a visit with both girls at the same time and both of them needing immunizations.  But being back at work full time has added a layer of stress and certainly taken a big chunk out of my previously free time, and I really didn't want to take off for two separate appointments.  So to the doctor we all went.

Juliet, when she was an infant, tracked small.  Meaning, her height and weight percentile was below the 50th.  This was of no concern to me or to Hugh as the VanLandingham tend to be both short and thin.  We just figured Juliet was taking after my side of the family.  But then she began to track higher and higher on the height chart.  However, today... today, my child was in the 84th percentile for height.  84th.  She is just a hair under 36 inches tall.  Her weight was close to 26 pounds, which is average for her age. 

Anna, who was heavier and longer than Juliet on their respective birthdays, is clearly a chunky monkey.  Those cheeks and her thighs have been getting bigger and bigger as I have mentioned in previous posts.  And I knew she was also getting longer because I had to move her wipe warmer off of the changing table because there wasn't room for both her and it at the same time.  I didn't think, though, that she was that big compared to other babies her age.  But our littlest girl, our sweet baby... She is in the 86th percentile for length and 74th percentile for length.  She is massive.  Anna 12 pounds and 8 ounces and 23.5 inches long.  That length means that she's grown four inches from her birth measurement.  (But Ray maintains that the baby nurse measured her short, and the nurses at Hugh's did measure her at 20.5 inches just three days after she was born.  That's still three inches in two months, though, which is pretty significant.)

So, in the grand scheme of humanity, my girls are big.  They're not actually giants, but they are big.  This should not come as any sort of surprise to me.  After all, Ray is well over 6 feet tall, and everyone in his family is quite tall (including his mother and sister, who are both 6 feet tall).  But really?  Shouldn't my shortness sort of offset? 

Hugh reminded me that Juliet tracked small in the early stages so it's still possible that Anna will take after the VanLandinghams, but it's pretty likely that Juliet's going to be significantly taller than I am. ... Well, maybe that'll be a good thing.  It could eliminate the need for a step stool.  But, on the other hand, it will make putting things out of her reach something I'll only be able to enjoy for a brief while.

As much as I joke about wanting my girls to be like my side of the family, the truth of the matter is this: they are both super healthy, and I am beyond thrilled.  Numbers like that indicate that my children are thriving, which is what every mama crow wants.  Keep it up, girlies.  Mama's proud of you!

Anna: Two Months

 
Today, our sweet Anna is two months old.  She is the most amazing baby in the house for sure, and she is tied with her sister for most amazing baby of all time.  She is almost always calm, and she is just this sweet, sweet child.

At two months, Anna is:

• Smiling very frequently
• Just beginning to coo and make other talking noises
• Eating all the time
• Almost double her birth weight
• Wearing 6-months clothes
• Pretty unhappy in her car seat if she's awake
• Spitting up a lot after most meals
• Occasionally sleeping for 5-hour stretches at night (but mostly averaging 3-4 hours)
• Still enjoying bath time
• Very patient with her sister, who wants to kiss her and hold her and poke her in the eyes
• Excellent at following things with her eyes
• Beginning to learn to interact with her environment

Yesterday, I had Anna in her monkey bouncer in the kitchen while I was cooking.  I looked down at her, and I noticed she was swatting at a toy that was hanging in front of her.  She kept reaching out her left hand and hitting the toy and watching it move.  As soon as it stopped swinging, she would reach out for it again.  I'm pretty sure this means that she's advanced.  I mean, how many two-month old children understand the basic principal of action and reaction?  With this early understanding of Newton's third law, I think it's a safe bet that Anna will be a physicist.  She is amazing.

Juliet Turns Two

She picks out her own shoes every morning and puts them on herself.  I'm always happy when she picks shoes that quasi-match her outfit.

On October 1, Juliet turned two.  As mentioned in a previous post, Ray was gone for this event, so we'd already given her a big present from the two of us.  So, for her actual birthday, I decided to keep things simple.  We made cupcakes for her to eat with her friends at school (which is, according to her teachers, the norm), and we went out for pizza for dinner since Juliet loves pizza.  On Sunday, we had an ice cream party with family where Juliet showed off her tricycle-riding skills and was generally the best entertainment anyone could have asked for.  This was likely the best week of Juliet's life as she got cupcakes, pizza, and ice cream all in one week.  We do not give her any of these things (especially cupcakes and ice cream) on a regular basis.  Frankly, I was surprised she even knew what cupcakes are and can only assume she knows from other parties at school.

Here's a snapshot of Juliet at two:

• She knows all of her colors.
• She can correctly identify at least half of her letters and all numbers 1-10.
• She can sing her ABCs.
• She knows the sounds that many animals make and can identify almost all of the animals in all of the books we read.
• She frequently speaks in complete (if not always grammatically correct) sentences.  Recent examples include, "I see a bus!" "Where is that siren going?" "Daddy is at work," "I want to watch alligators," "I want snakes.  Snakes are dirty," and "Anna is sleeping."
• She is a good eater, but she is fickle in that she loves bananas (or peas or carrots or anything else she specifically asks you to give her) one minute and refuses to eat them the next.
• She loves to clean up by putting toys or other things into something else.
• She has developed the ability to pretend and imagines cooking supper all the time.  She always offers what she's cooked to everyone around her and says that it's "nummy."
• She is very good at giving commands: "Kitty cat, get down!" "Mommy, dance!" "Baby, clap!" "Baby, sing!" "Mommy, sit down now!"
• She remembers things and people.  We used to enjoy out-of-sight, out-of-mind with Juliet in that if you removed it from her sight, it was no longer an issue.  That is not the case these days, and she frequently asks for people (especially her daddy) who aren't around and for things (like her dress-up necklace that she got from Aunt Betsy for her birthday) that she can't find.
• She chooses her own shoes every morning and puts them on by herself (and even puts them on the correct feet).

And now, for pictures and hilarious video of ABCs (with some random "I love you" thrown in)...

Eating ice cream with sprinkles and rocking her birthday tiara and necklace

Pretending to cook supper using the drum set from Sarah and Blu

Licking the spoon after making cupcakes

Anna at 7 Weeks

It's funny all things that feel like miracles when you're watching your child develop and grow.  I remember, vaguely, being very excited when Juliet could focus on things and when she began to smile.  But with Anna, I'm getting to experience it all over again.

In the past week, Anna has really begun to focus her eyes on objects and track them.  She watches me carefully as I move around her nursery, and she (like her sister) loves to watch a ceiling fan.  She has also begun to smile actual smiles, not just gassy smiles.  Yesterday, she was fussing in her crib, so I went to get her.  And when she saw me, she smiled a huge smile that was not followed by any gas at all.  (Victory!)  It was the best feeling in the world!

She's also starting to coo and talk just a little.  I love love love the sound of her voice.  It is so sweet and calm.  I'm excited to hear her start talking more and to watch her begin to really interact with Juliet, who is desperate for Anna to be able to do more than just lay there.

The other night, at some point in the middle of the night when I was up with Anna, I was thinking about how different Juliet and Anna already are.  And perhaps it's just that Juliet is such a whirling dervish of toddler energy right now, but I feel like Juliet is my ball of fire and Anna is my grounded girl.  Or perhaps it's just that because I've done it with Juliet, things aren't as scary with Anna?  Maybe I'm calmer, so Anna is calmer?   Here are some differences I've noticed:

• Even at her fussiest, Anna isn't nearly as loud as Juliet was.
• Anna eats more than Juliet did, and although she has some gas issues, they are nothing like Juliet's were.
• Anna's witching hour is typically literally an hour.  (Unfortunately, it seems to be right around the time I have to drive across town and back to get Juliet, so there's lots of screaming in the car.)  Juliet's witching hour was hours long.

Because she's eating all the time, she's growing a lot as I've mentioned in previous posts.  However, curiosity got the better of me yesterday, and I weighed myself with her and without her.  There was a twelve pound difference.  So our tiny baby girl, who weighed under 8 pounds at birth, is now close to doubling her birth weight.  I've skimmed back through my posts about Juliet at this age, and I can't find anything about her weight, which makes me think that Anna's gains are more remarkable.

As with Juliet, we decided to breastfeed exclusively, so I'm not worried that Anna's gaining too much too quickly.  And when I'm exhausted from lack of sleep or feeling "touched-out" from incessant feedings, I remember this article, which my father-in-law shared with me while I was still feeding Juliet.  I also have Ray cheering me on, saying things like, "Look at Juliet.  She is proof that this is the right choice for us."  Here's to raising little girls with high IQs.

Milk coma

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

Dealing with a prolonged absence was hard before Ray and I got married and had children. The first deployment, to Iraq, was - in many ways - the hardest.  And subsequent deployments, schools, and other extended absences were challenging, but I always felt like it got easier.  It got easier to say goodbye.  It got easier to find ways to stay busy while he was away.  It was never easy, but it got easier. 

But getting married and having kids changed all of that.  It is, without a doubt, more challenging emotionally now.  He is not my boyfriend or my fiance.  He is my husband and my partner and the father of my children.  Those three titles do not do justice to the role he plays in my life.  I was amazed after we got married how a simple ceremony and a piece of paper could alter how I felt about him so much, but it did.  And when our girls were born, I fell in love with him all over again.  (It's so cliche to say that, but it's so completely true.  Watching my husband, a man's man who has a rough job, be tender and gentle with our girls melts my heart every single time.)

It's also harder logistically now.  I no longer just have myself to take care of.  I am responsible for taking care of the physical and emotional needs of Juliet and Anna.  And there are days when that responsibility is completely overwhelming, especially when all three of us are sick and I haven't slept.  The logistics of taking care of them both in the mornings and evenings when we're trying to get to school or get fed and to bed are crazy.  There are two of them and only one of me.  Fortunately, Juliet is becoming more and more independent, so she can do a lot on her own.  And she's also getting really good at waiting patiently while I work with Anna during The Witching Hour.  But it's still hard. 

And add running the house and finances into this mix.  Let's not forget that... Or the fact that I'm about to be back at work full time.  Time and again, people have said to me, "I don't know how you do it."  Well, here's the answer: I do it messily.  Three weeks in, I'm not sure I do it very well.  I mean, we're all still alive, and the bills are getting paid, but it is the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'm stressed out and overwhelmed and tired and feel that I'm failing a lot.  I don't have the patience I should have with a toddler.  I can't find the time to take care of myself.  Some days, it's a miracle that I remember to brush my teeth.

But I am blessed with an amazing group of friends who help.  They help me when I ask for it, but more importantly, I've got friends who help me when I don't ask for it.  While I'm confessing my sins here, let me also say that I am a prideful person.  And I abhor asking for help.  There are few things I hate more.  I feel, a lot of times, like asking for help is an admission of my inadequacy or my inability to handle it all.  That is incredibly stupid, and I know it.  And yet, I still feel that way.  I also feel guilty for asking for help because I feel like I am imposing upon people when this is all my responsibility anyway.  But my friends know this about me, and they love me anyway.  So they force their help upon me.  They organize freezer meals for me.  They threaten to take one or both of my children for a few hours so that I will rest.  They bring me supper and hold Anna so that I can eat.  They ignore my polite requests that they go home to their own families, my insistence that I'm really fine, and they play with Juliet while I try to quiet a screaming Anna.  They don't go to the grocery without texting me to see if I need anything from Publix.  They drop what they're doing and come take care of Anna so that I can try to sleep off a sinus infection.

A friend in NYC, Lynsley, has been referring to her "framily" a lot.  These are the family who are friends and the friends who are family.  The friends who are so helpful to me these days are my framily.  They are the most wonderful mix of friends and family, spanning two generations, and they are the best women I know.  Thank you.  I could not do this without you.

Month of Sundays

Sundays in the Handley House are a family day.  We rarely do anything major outside the house and sort of take the day to focus on things we need or want to do for our family and to prepare for the week ahead.  It's a low-stress day, which I love and need.  Even before Ray and I were married, Sundays were always the one day of the week that we spent together just doing our thing.  Now that we are married and have children, Sunday is even more sacred.  And we started a tradition of grilling steaks each Sunday night and really enjoying a nice meal.  (Of course, this tradition was put on hold during both pregnancies since I refuse to eat a well-done steak.)

Because Sundays are our day, Sundays naturally are harder than other days of the week for me when he is gone.  I am more keenly aware of the fact that he's not here.  The first Sunday he was gone, I did the math to determine how many Sundays we'd be apart, and I realized it would be right around 31: a literal month of Sundays.  I wanted to find something positive to do with that information instead of focusing on how many lonely Sundays that would be.  You can miss a lot in a month of Sundays, and I realized that most of what Ray will miss will be the girls growing and changing.  I decided I'd try to keep track of the girls growing and changing by taking a picture of them on every Sunday until he gets home.  I'm going to compile them (somehow... I haven't decided exactly how yet) and then give them to him at the end of his trip.

Three weeks in, I'm glad I'm doing this - not just for him, but for me, too.  It's amazing to see the changes, especially in Anna, from week to week.  Today, our third Sunday, Juliet was taking a much-needed nap in our bed, and Anna was drowsy after her lunch, so I couldn't help staging this picture.  I love these two girls more than I could ever explain.