Language Matters

Juliet practicing her language skills by saying firmly, "Anna, SMILE!"

 As a former English teacher, it's hard for me to suppress my passion about language and words.  I believe very firmly that words matter.  The words we choose to use on a daily basis have feelings attached to them, and these feelings impact and shape our world. 

I remember reading a study a few years back about the language our society uses with young girls.  Instead of asking them what they did at school that day, most people told young girls how pretty they were or how nice their outfit was.  I found this ridiculous but realized I was guilty of doing it myself, so I vowed I would make a concerted effort to change the way I talked to little girls.  And then I had two girls of my own, and that became even more important.

I constantly strive to tell both girls that I am proud of them.  I, of course, tell them that they are pretty and cute, but I spend a majority of the time focusing on how smart they are.  With Juliet, I also spend a good deal of time encouraging her to do things for herself or to problem-solve.  I want both girls to know that I have every confidence in their ability to do whatever they set their minds to.

Over the past week, I've really begun to see how the way I talk to Juliet and Anna has left an impression on Juliet.  I hear my words coming out of her mouth more and more often.  "Mommy, you can do it!" and "Pay attention!" are frequent refrains of hers.  (She also tells Filch and Ninja what to do in much the same way that I do, but that's for another post.)

I think I was most surprised (and delighted) when I heard Juliet talk to Anna in a way she's clearly seen me model.  On Sunday, Anna was on her play mat, and Juliet and I were on the floor next to her.  Anna rolled over, and I clapped and said, "Yay!"  Juliet also clapped, but then she leaned over and kissed Anna's head and said, "Yay, Anna! You are such a smart girl!"  Granted, I'm not sure that it really takes a lot of intellect for a three month-old girl to roll from her stomach to her back, but I love that Juliet saw her sister accomplish something important and praised her for it.

Yesterday morning, Juliet said she needed to go potty.  As I am trying to be consistent with her efforts to use the bathroom like a big girl, we went straight to the bathroom and got down to business.  After Juliet tinkled, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I am so proud of you!"  I had to laugh.  Clearly, she knows that "potty" and "proud" go together.

I'm sure much of Juliet's language is simply parroting, but I think there is value in making sure that what she parrots is positive.  And frankly, it takes a tremendous amount of effort some days to censor myself.  Juliet looks very much like her father, but her personality is so very much mine.  She is stubborn and sassy and independent and bossy.  There are moments when it takes all of my strength not to swear at her.  (Frankly, there are days when I think that not swearing at her is the greatest parenting victory of all.)  But as much as she challenges me, she is one half of my greatest blessing.  My children are the most spectacular thing God's ever given me, and I am so grateful for them both.

Anna Handley: Super Baby

So lately, I have been worried because Anna has not rolled over yet. Juliet rolled over before she was two months old, and I know I can't spend their lives comparing them to one another... But Juliet is the only other baby I have known. She is the standard for "normal baby" in our house.

So anyway, I've been worried and, of course, feeling guilty because I am sure it's somehow my fault. I haven't given Anna as much tummy time as I gave Juliet, and that is probably a contributing factor to the delay with Anna.

But this evening, she did it! I put her on her tummy on her activity mat, and she flipped over with two minutes. She didn't struggle or really have to work for it like Juliet did. She just flipped. I was so excited and happy, and exclaimed, "You did it!!!" I put her back on her tummy, and within 45 seconds, she'd rolled again. Juliet got excited because I was excited and got down on the floor with us and kept saying, "Yay, baby!" and clapping.

I feel so proud of Anna... And so relieved that I haven't done some sort of permanent damage.

Anna: Three Months

Yesterday, Anna turned three months old.  I cannot believe it's been three months since she was born.  It feels like she's always been a part of our family. 

At three months, Anna is:

• Starting to laugh
• Talking up a storm
• Still eating all the time
• More than 14 pounds and now in size 3 diapers
• Spending lots of time in her monkey bouncer and propped up on the Boppy pillow
• Projectile spitting up
• Not following any sort of consistent sleeping pattern at night
• Getting some tummy time 
• Enjoying still in my lap and facing out to see the world around her
• On the verge of being ready for the Bumbo seat

Last night, Anna finally (finally. FINALLY!) slept through the night.  I fed her at 1030, and I didn't hear a peep from her until I went into her room at 645 and woke her up.  Of course, I woke up at 415 worried that she'd stopped breathing and went to check on her.  And then I checked on her again at 500.  And 530. 

I should probably feel hopeful that this will be her new normal, but I really just sort of feel thankful that I got one night.  She is so very inconsistent at night that I can't even begin to predict what she will do.  Some nights, she's up every two-three hours.  Others, she sleeps in 4-5 hour stretches.  Nothing I do seems to impact how frequently she wakes.  And she is always hungry when she wakes up.  Maybe this last week (where she was waking every two hours) was a growth spurt, and last night was the glorious sleep that babies get after a big spurt?  The more I think about it, the more I think that's what happened.  She ate a ton last week - so much so that I had to move her up a diaper size. 

I'm so thankful for my healthy, growing girl!

Mommy, See?

"I colored that wall!"

Juliet has really started to enjoy coloring.  She likes her crayons that Aunt Stacey gave her for her birthday, and she likes my pens.  She will color in the booklet Aunt Stacey got her, and she will color on my work papers.  She will even color on junk mail.  Whenever she has finishes her picture, she always says, "Mommy, see?!?" 

Two Saturdays ago, she colored on the wall and the door with one of my pens.  (Thank goodness for Magic Erasers.)  We talked about how that was not an acceptable place to color, and she said she understood.

Then, last Friday, she colored all over her legs in the car on the way home from school.  As soon as I heard, "Mommy, see?!?" I was afraid to look in the back seat.  Instead of coloring on the legal pad I handed her, she had colored all over her thighs.  At least it wasn't on her clothes?  Or the leather seats?

One night last week, she remembered that we had bath crayons and asked for them.  I handed her the red one, and she went right to work, coloring on the tub.  Then she colored on two of the three walls.  She was so very proud of herself and kept saying, "I colored that wall!"  I think she was excited that she got to color on the walls after the talking-to she got last weekend.

Love this girl and her art!

Mama Needs a Vacation

This was as close as I'd let them get to each other today since Juliet was sick.

It's been eight weeks since Ray left.  Eight long weeks.  Sundays are, as I explained previously, hard days.  But this Sunday was probably one of the hardest.

Juliet projectile vomited at 8:30 this morning.  She soaked my bed, me, and herself before I could get her to the bathroom.  For someone who was projectile vomiting, she took it pretty well, but it went on for minutes.  It scared me.  And it was gross - I don't deal well with vomit.  I stripped myself, stripped her, and stripped the bed.  She got the comforter, both sheets, a pillow, and the mattress pad.  Sigh.

Then Anna had some serious gas issues today that had her ripping toots and spitting up like crazy.  In addition to soaking her bibs and burp cloths, she also soaked herself and me.

Mid-afternoon, Juliet managed to get poop on me while I was changing her second dirty diaper of the day.

It's now 10 till eight.  Juliet is in her fourth outfit (pajamas currently) of the day, Anna is in her sixth (she promptly spit up and soaked her pjs after bathtime), and I am in my third (but my shirt and jeans are wet with the last of the spit-up from Anna).

I am exhausted.  I have been puked on, spit-up on, and pooped on.  Being a single parent is hard, but one of the things I find most challenging is that I really don't ever get a break.  I know I need to get some help, but that's harder than I thought.  First, there really are only three or four people I would leave alone with both girls.  So I either need to find two sitters for the girls or one sitter and then take one of the girls with me.  And that, my friends, isn't really a break.  Second, in order to get two sitters (or to secure one of those few people who I trust with both girls at once), I need to plan way out - at least a week in advance.  And then add in the guilt factor: guilt at asking two people to sacrifice their time to watch my girls or guilt at paying for two sitters or guilt for asking the same people I always ask to help... Just guilt guilt guilt. 

Ray always makes it a point to ask me to find something good in my day when I've had a bad day.  So, in that spirit, I will say that I am so very, very grateful for Aunt Gay.  She brought Gatorade for Juliet, and she also brought us supper.  It was so very wonderful to not have to even think about supper.

The Most Amazing Thing I've Seen

As a mom, I have been amazed countless times by the things my daughters have done.  There are the sweet things that amaze me like the first time they smiled at me or coo'd in response to something I said.  There are the gross things that amaze me like projectile spit-up that lands on the floor a foot and a half behind me.  And there are milestone things that amaze me like listening to Juliet sing her ABCs for the first time by herself or seeing Anna begin to really focus her eyes on objects across the room.

But none of those things compares to the wonder and amazement I felt today as I watched Anna and Juliet truly interact with each other for the first time.  They were so plainly playing together that it was just ... well, amazing.  It felt like I was watching something miraculous unfold.  I know that seems dramatic, but it's truly how I felt.  For months, Juliet has poked and prodded at Anna and gotten no response.  But today, Anna responded.

I had both girls on the bed to get the weekly #MonthOfSundays picture.  Anna was her usual cooperative self, and Juliet was her usual crazy toddler self.  Anna began "talking," and Juliet thought it was funny, so she started laughing and getting in Anna's face.  Anna then began squawking at Juliet.  I managed to capture some of it with my phone before I had to stop Juliet from playing too rough.

I think that to most people, it may sound like Anna was mad.  But she wasn't.  Her mad cry is different: louder, longer, and a different pitch.  This truly was her talking back to her big sister.  And I didn't get it on video, but she would smile in between the squawks and would watch for Juliet to come back to her.  It was just so very, very cool to watch her play like that.  I love that she hollered back at her sister, who seems to be hollering a lot these days. 

I hope and pray that these two will have a lifetime of these moments together: playing and laughing hysterically.  It can be hard to have a good relationship with your siblings, especially if you and your siblings are too different or too alike.  But I want to do all that I can to nurture Juliet and Anna's relationship.  They will likely fight tooth and nail with each other as they grow up.  That's fine.  It's normal.  But I want them to face the world together, stick up for each other, and be each other's safe place.  I think that if I can teach them to respect each other, even if they end up very different, they'll be okay.

I so wish Ray had been here to share this moment with me.  But, if he was home, I probably wouldn't have pulled the girls onto the bed, so maybe this wouldn't have happened.  So in that case, I'm grateful for his absence as it allowed to me to be amazed by my children.

"This is so fun, Mommy!"

It looks like they're glaring at each other, but my phone seems to always capture the most unflattering expressions. 

Kitty Cat, Get Down!

As detailed in this post, Juliet is excellent at repeating what she's heard.  And "get down!" is something she's heard a time or two considering how she likes to climb onto the arms and back of the couch.  Juliet is also good at bossing Anna, Filch, and Ninja.  Well, she is good at telling them what to do.  None seems to mind her too well, and that seems to frustrate her as much as it frustrates me when she doesn't do as I've asked.  (Good Lord, is she my kid or what?)

It was a beautiful (and blustery!) day today, so while Anna was enjoying a nap, Juliet and I went outside to play with Ninja and Filch.  I threw the ball for Ninja and Juliet chased Filch all over the yard.  Filch, a very patient cat, finally realized that merely walking across the yard wasn't going to keep him safe from Juliet (who, by the way, was saying, "Kitty cat, hug!").

So, he dashed up a tree.  It is remarkable to me that he can still get his large kitty butt up a tree, especially when he does so quickly.  But I'm glad to know that he's still got it.  Juliet, on the other hand, was not as pleased.  At first, she thought it was funny.  But then he wouldn't come down.  Here is the story in pictures:

"Kitty cat, hug! Kitty cat tree!"

"Kitty cat tree! Kitty cat climb!"

"Kitty cat, GET DOWN!"

"My climb! Up!"

"Climb."

"Need help, Mommy."

Filch eventually came down on his own (Juliet was unable to climb to get him), and Juliet resumed chasing him and demanding hugs.  And, ever the cat, Filch continued to ignore her commands.