Language Matters

Juliet practicing her language skills by saying firmly, "Anna, SMILE!"

 As a former English teacher, it's hard for me to suppress my passion about language and words.  I believe very firmly that words matter.  The words we choose to use on a daily basis have feelings attached to them, and these feelings impact and shape our world. 

I remember reading a study a few years back about the language our society uses with young girls.  Instead of asking them what they did at school that day, most people told young girls how pretty they were or how nice their outfit was.  I found this ridiculous but realized I was guilty of doing it myself, so I vowed I would make a concerted effort to change the way I talked to little girls.  And then I had two girls of my own, and that became even more important.

I constantly strive to tell both girls that I am proud of them.  I, of course, tell them that they are pretty and cute, but I spend a majority of the time focusing on how smart they are.  With Juliet, I also spend a good deal of time encouraging her to do things for herself or to problem-solve.  I want both girls to know that I have every confidence in their ability to do whatever they set their minds to.

Over the past week, I've really begun to see how the way I talk to Juliet and Anna has left an impression on Juliet.  I hear my words coming out of her mouth more and more often.  "Mommy, you can do it!" and "Pay attention!" are frequent refrains of hers.  (She also tells Filch and Ninja what to do in much the same way that I do, but that's for another post.)

I think I was most surprised (and delighted) when I heard Juliet talk to Anna in a way she's clearly seen me model.  On Sunday, Anna was on her play mat, and Juliet and I were on the floor next to her.  Anna rolled over, and I clapped and said, "Yay!"  Juliet also clapped, but then she leaned over and kissed Anna's head and said, "Yay, Anna! You are such a smart girl!"  Granted, I'm not sure that it really takes a lot of intellect for a three month-old girl to roll from her stomach to her back, but I love that Juliet saw her sister accomplish something important and praised her for it.

Yesterday morning, Juliet said she needed to go potty.  As I am trying to be consistent with her efforts to use the bathroom like a big girl, we went straight to the bathroom and got down to business.  After Juliet tinkled, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I am so proud of you!"  I had to laugh.  Clearly, she knows that "potty" and "proud" go together.

I'm sure much of Juliet's language is simply parroting, but I think there is value in making sure that what she parrots is positive.  And frankly, it takes a tremendous amount of effort some days to censor myself.  Juliet looks very much like her father, but her personality is so very much mine.  She is stubborn and sassy and independent and bossy.  There are moments when it takes all of my strength not to swear at her.  (Frankly, there are days when I think that not swearing at her is the greatest parenting victory of all.)  But as much as she challenges me, she is one half of my greatest blessing.  My children are the most spectacular thing God's ever given me, and I am so grateful for them both.