Telling Our Parents

We found out I was pregnant at three and a half weeks into the pregnancy.  Obviously, we were both excited and wanting to share the news, but I was also concerned about sharing the news too early.  Ray understood my concern and agreed to wait until I felt ready to share.  After about a week, I was dying to tell someone.  I considered telling my closest friends, but I realized that it felt wrong to tell anyone before we told our parents.  I just felt like it would be disrespectful to them.  So, after talking about it with Ray, we agreed to tell our parents and swear them to secrecy.

Telling our parents was a risk.  After all, Benjamin Franklin wisely stated that three can keep a secret if two are dead.  And we were about to tell four people who would probably be extremely excited (and, in some cases, possibly more excited than Ray and I were) and would be bursting to share the good news.  Eventually, though, we decided that we'd tell them, outline why it was so very important that they keep the news to themselves, and hope that they could honor our wishes.

Under the guise of having a dinner to celebrate Ray's new job, we invited my parents to Tallahassee for dinner on a Sunday night.  We asked them to come to Jack and Ann's for a celebratory cocktail before we went to dinner, and it helped that Annie had some candles and vases she needed to return to my mom.  I was pleased and relieved that none of our parents questioned this request to gather on Ty Ty Court before the meal.

At about 3:00 p.m., just hours before we were all supposed to gather, my dad called.  He wanted to know if it was okay if he just came by himself.  I paused and said, "No, not really.  Mom needs to come, too."  Daddy explained that Mom was really sick and had been in bed all day.  I scrambled for reasons I could give that would make him get her to Tallahassee, but I couldn't come up with anything other than the truth.  So, I asked, "Can Mom hear me right now?"

He said, "No.  She's in the bedroom."

I took a deep breath and said, "Daddy, I'm pregnant."

There was a most pregnant paused (pun intended) and he asked, "Well, is that a good thing?"

I laughed hard and said, "YES!  But do you now understand why it's so important that Mom come?  We're having this dinner to tell you all together!  Mom needs to be here!"

He said he understood and would do what he could to get her there.  After I got off the phone with him, I called Ray and filled him in.  We talked about what to do and finally decided that we'd just have to call Mom and tell her on speakerphone while we told the others.

When Daddy arrived alone, I wondered how we'd come up with a reason to call my mom.  Ray called her under the guise of needing to talk to her about some of the candles Annie had for her.  After a brief greeting exchange, Ray said, "We have something we think might make you feel better... We're pregnant!"  There was a lot of jumping up and down and hollering and hugging and other general excitement.  When things finally quieted down some, my mom was asking, "Are you kidding me?  Please don't kid with me about that!  I want grandkids so bad! It's not funny to kid about that!"  When we finally convinced her that we were, in fact, serious, we began explaining why they couldn't share our news.

There were two main reasons we wanted to keep the news quiet.  First, it was still very early in the pregnancy - just about seven or so weeks.  So much could still happen, and I wasn't comfortable spreading the news until we were certain the pregnancy was a little more viable.  Second, it was the middle of legislative session, and I work in the Office of the Senate President.  It's a stressful time of year for the office, and I had major concerns about sharing that kind of personal information with my coworkers and the chief of staff.  While I recognize that there are laws prohibiting discrimination against pregnant women, I simply did not feel comfortable and wasn't sure the news would be welcomed.  All parents seemed to understand.  They were disappointed they couldn't share with their friends or our family, but they all said they would be respectful of our wishes.

We are so blessed to have parents who are, from the very start, respectful of what Ray and I want regarding our child!