Every Mama Crow

At Juliet's check up on Wednesday, we learned that she's gained almost two pounds since she was born and now weighs 8 pounds and 6 ounces.  In addition to the weight gain, she's also grown two and a half inches in length, so she's now 21.5 inches long.  Dr. Hugh VanLandingham, our family practitioner, was very pleased with her progress and again remarked on her "atypical" strength.  (I'm telling you, she's going to be doing pull ups at 6 months!)  He noted that she's already focusing her eyes on you and went so far as to say, "She's perfect."

After we left the doctor's office, I called Ray to give him the update and shared that Hugh had called her "perfect."  I explained that I took his comment as validation that our daughter is, in fact, the most perfect human being ever.  Ray agreed with my assessment of Juliet but thought, perhaps, part of Hugh's medical training included ways to talk to and reassure mothers using words like "perfect."  Ray reminded me for what felt like the tenth time since Juliet was born that "every mama crow thinks her baby's the blackest."

I'm sure that's true.  I'm certain all moms (or, at the very least, all decent moms) think their babies are the best.  I understand why moms would think that.  But let's be honest.  Juliet really is the best.  She's cute, she's not fussy unless she's hungry or gassy, she's strong, she's funny, she can already smile (and I swear it's not gas), she's almost turning over, and she can already scoot herself around in her crib/on the floor.  Certainly, she has some areas she could improve upon... Namely, she could stop peeing, pooping, and puking on her parents.  But other than that?  What else could she improve?  Okay, maybe she could work on sleeping through the night.  And perhaps stop pooping in her diaper the second we change her.  But other than those things?

Yep.  This mama crow knows her baby's the blackest.  :)

Juliet post-bath trying to decide how long to wait to puke on the cute outfit Mama's about to put on her

Lullaby and Goodnight

This week, we had a very rough night with Juliet.  She got out of her groove because she missed a sleep session because of a visitor.  Neither Ray nor I realized just how badly this would mess her up, but she ended up being too tired to eat later on and then fighting sleep and basically screaming her head off for roughly six hours.  It was not a lot of fun, but we learned some valuable lessons out of it.  First and foremost, we will not be letting visitors keep Juliet awake again any time soon.  After she eats, her wake time will be calming, not stimulating.  Perhaps when she's older, we can reconsider this decision, but right now, that rule is non-negotiable.

Beyond that priceless lesson, I also realized that singing to Juliet can help calm her down.  But she doesn't like it when you sing traditional children's songs to her.  "ABCs" and "Lullaby and Goodnight" leave her utterly unimpressed.  Out of sheer desperation, I wracked my brains for songs I could remember the words to.  Considering how sleep-deprived and frustrated I was, I couldn't come up with much.  The first song I thought of was "A Pirate Looks at Forty" by Jimmy Buffett.  Juliet immediately quieted down.  Anyone who has ever had the unfortunate experience of hearing me sing will know that it was not my beautiful voice that calmed her.  It had to be the song.  After I got her settled, I sent Ray a text that said, "Tip: Juliet finds 'A Pirate Looks at 40' really soothing."  I also considered her reaction to this song proof positive that Juliet is totally mine and Ray's child. 

Later on that day, she was fussing again.  I ran through "Pirate" two times, and she was still not totally satisfied.  I grabbed the iPod that we'd been using to play white noise for Juliet and scanned through it, trying to come up with ideas of other songs I knew the words to.  It was mostly Spanish conversation and terribly hard, inappropriate music for Ray's workouts.  But I did find "Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show and started to sing that.  Her eyes got heavy, and she stopped fussing entirely.  Success!  (I also thought the fact that Juliet liked this song to be pretty cool since her great-grandfather played in a bluegrass band.)

At roughly 1:00 am the following morning, Ray and I were in the nursery trying desperately to get Juliet to stop screaming.  I practically yelled at Ray (to be heard over her screams), "Pirate!  Sing Pirate!"  As we started to sing, she stopped screaming and started listening.  After we got her calm enough to put down, we immediately went to my computer and made a "Juliet Sleep Mix" playlist.  It includes songs from Van Morrison, Rufus Wainwright, Jack Johnson, Kenny Chesney (hey, "You and Tequila" seemed extremely appropriate at the time - don't judge us), and others.

After her next feeding, we put on her playlist and sang along with a song to get her settled down.  As we closed the nursery door behind us, Ray grabbed my hand and we danced to "These Are the Days" and "Into the Mystic" as they played in Juliet's room.  We were deliriously tired and happy to have found a quick go-to to help us quiet our screaming child, and it was nice to share the victory.  We were so proud of ourselves and our sweet, sweet baby that staying up an extra few minutes to dance was really nice. 

Ray reminded me as we danced, "We're going to be okay.  This phase doesn't last forever.  If it did, no one would have more than one child."  I cried/laughed and said, "One day, you'll be dancing with Juliet on your feet to these songs.  You'll have to tell her about this."  I have no doubt that his version of the story will include how happy we were to have her and how impressed we were with how loud such a little thing could be.  Really, when she gets going, it's amazing to hear such a small set of lungs produce cries at that volume.  I think it's yet another sign of her exceptionalism.  :)

Routine

For the past couple of weeks, we've been trying to move Juliet towards a routine. Along the way, we've encountered problems with her not being hungry every three hours, her not wanting to wake up to eat, her having bad gas, and us allowing well-meaning visitors get Juliet off track by keeping her awake during what should be a sleep cycle.

It's been such a revealing few weeks for Ray and me both. It's amazing what you learn about yourself and your partner when you're sleep-deprived. I think the most important thing I've learned is that I really might be married to the best man alive. I could fill an entire blog with all the wonderful things about him, but I'll just summarize by saying that he is equally involved with Juliet and partners fully with me in making decisions for/about her. In addition to that, he actively works to make sure I'm doing okay and taking care of myself.
We finally feel like we've settled into a good schedule that ensures Juliet is eating and sleeping well and also allows Ray and me to get rest. Life is good. Life is very, very good.

Juliet in her pig onesie made for her by Brandi Young at a baby shower hosted for us by Adrianne Kautz.

October 1, 2012

Before:

We took one last belly picture before heading to the hospital.

After:

We're a family!

Why We Decided to Induce
This was not a decision we made lightly.  I had very strong feelings about letting my body do what it was designed to do and about letting the baby come when she was ready.  However, I was also struggling to continue to work each day, I was so ready for her to arrive, and I had very strong feelings about which doctors I did not want delivering my baby.


So, after long talks with my friends who had gone through inductions, friends who'd done it naturally, and Ray... I still didn't know.  On Sunday, September 30, Ray and I went to the hospital to take advantage of our favorite Labor and Delivery nurse.  We had Elizabeth check my status and strip my membranes, and we talked to her about inducing.  As we expected, she would not offer any opinion regarding whether or not we should induce.  Instead, she talked to us about the state of my body (ready for delivery), the baby's state (fine to stay in a little longer), the process of induction, and which doctors would be available.  She gave us two bits of information that gave me the confidence to go ahead and try induction.  First, she explained that I could change my mind at any time as long as my water had not broken.  They would stop Pitocin, and I could walk out of the hospital as long as my contractions stopped.  Second, she explained that Dr. Dixon was scheduled to work on Monday and that he would not likely work again until the following weekend.

Knowing that I had the freedom to change my mind was huge.  And thinking about some of the other doctors at NFWC I'd seen pushed me over the line.  We'd try the induction.

My Experience
Every pregnancy and delivery is different, but my experience with induction was actually really good.  Elizabeth started the Pitocin slowly.  As the contractions built, she had the anesthesiologist come in and explain all the risks of epidurals so that if and when I decided I wanted one, I'd be ready to go.  (My plan regarding the epidural was to labor as long as I could without it.  And if I got to the point that the pain was too much, I'd get an epidural and not beat myself up.  After all, my friend Susie wisely pointed out, "They don't give you a trophy for doing that shit naturally!")

I can't recall the exact timing of everything, but I believe we started Pitocin around 10:30 or 11:00.  The contractions I was having were really nothing worse than the Braxton Hicks until I started having back labor.  Apparently, Juliet was moving down face-up, which caused really strong, very painful contractions in my back.  I changed positions, Ray and Elizabeth both applied a lot of counter-pressure, but eventually, it was just too much.  I told Ray I wanted an epidural, and he had Elizabeth call in the anesthesiologist.  He informed her that he was about to go into a Cesarean and wouldn't be able to get to me for another hour to an hour and a half.    To tide me over, Elizabeth gave me something (I still don't know what) in my IV that literally started working within seconds.  I felt drunk and said all sorts of silly things, most of which I don't remember.

I'm not sure when the anesthesiologist showed up, but I do know that he wouldn't shut up.  The drugs Elizabeth had given me earlier were wearing off, and I was ready to strangle the guy who was going to give me some relief.  Both Ray and Elizabeth asked him to stop talking on my behalf.  Thankfully, he left quickly, and the epidural began working pretty quickly.

At some point, Elizabeth checked me for dilation, and I was at seven centimeters.  A while after that, she wasn't getting the heart rate readings she wanted for Juliet, so she hooked her up to an internal monitor and waited for a change in her heart rate in relation to my contractions that would signal it would be time to push.  What felt like several hours later, I asked if Elizabeth thought I'd dilated anymore, and she said, "Let's check."  Then, she exclaimed, "That's her head!!"  Juliet had moved down much further than we'd thought based on the monitor's readings.  Elizabeth quickly called for Dr. Dixon and began getting ready for the delivery.  Ray sent a text to our parents and to our designated distributors of information that simply said, "Pushing."  Dixon arrived quickly and threw on a gown as he realized how close Juliet was to arrival.

I don't know how long I pushed, but I know it wasn't long at all.  Dr. Dixon allowed Elizabeth to step in and deliver her first niece, and Ray watched the whole process.  It's the strangest thing.  I don't remember much at all about this time except watching Ray's face as he watched our daughter being born and feeling completely, totally calm.  I wasn't anxious, scared, or anything other than really, really calm and ready to see Juliet.  I don't have words to describe Ray's face very well.  He just looked amazed and happy.

Juliet Corinne Handley
She was born at 6:38 pm, weighed 6 pounds and 10 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long.  She is the most perfect human being I've ever seen.  Her feet and fingers are long, and she's very strong.  (The doctor noted that her neck strength and head control are "atypical."  I'm pretty sure we have a future CrossFit champ.)  She grew an inch and a half in length in 10 days and is gaining weight steadily.

Juliet has peed and pooped on us, kept us up all night on more than one occasion, and caused me to do more laundry in 14 days than I do in a month.  And we love every single minute.

Forty Weeks (Due Today!)

Baby's size this week: I think my app is now completely useless.  It simply says, "It's hard to say for sure how your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds ... and is about 20 inches long."  And all this time, it's been telling me with complete confidence exactly how big she was?!?  Pshh.  Useless!  ;)  

Latest update from the OB:  Wolverina has dropped even lower and can't go any further without actually engaging.  He said that my body is as close to delivery as it can be without actually being in labor, and both baby and I are fine.  She had the hiccups yesterday, so after checking her heartbeat and getting tickled at her hiccups, he pointed out that you could actually observe them by watching my belly jump.  That was fun, and I really appreciate him pointing that out.

Yesterday was a hard day in terms of being pregnant.  I was (and still am, of course) very, very tired.  When Dr. Dixon asked how I was, I was honest.  I told him that I was struggling because I was extremely emotional and really very uncomfortable.  And, to be honest, I was just sort of feeling overwhelmed.  I've tried pretty much every home remedy to get labor started, and none have been successful.  I am not exhibiting any signs of being closer to labor.  Dixon kindly but professionally argued that I am exhibiting more signs and pointed out that I've been having more contractions and that she's dropped as low as she can get.  He said that it's really any minute/day now.

Are you craving anything? Her arrival.

How do you feel?  Tired.  Graceless.  Uncomfortable.  Ready.

What have you crossed off your to-do list this week? Painted the letters for her nursery and everything else I can think of.  I have nothing left to get and nothing left to do except go into labor.

What's left on your to-do list? Have the baby!

How is Ray doing? I believe he might be more ready than I am for her to arrive.  He's taken to talking to her each morning and directing her to head for the South Exit.  This morning in particular, he talked to her about how great it would be if she was part of the 3% (or whatever ridiculously low percentage it is) of babies who arrive on their actual due date.

Thirty-Nine Weeks

Baby's size this week: According to the app, she is a little longer than 20 inches (but I suspect she's longer based on what I can feel of her) and weighs in at a little over 7 pounds.

Latest update from the OB:  According to yesterday's appointment with Dr. Dixon, I am 1 centimeter dilated, 70% effaced, and Wolverina is at -1 station.  (You can read more about stations here, but for quick reference, a baby floating freely is at -5 station, and a baby who is crowning is at +5 station.)  This basically means I could go into labor at any point now.  Ray and I are hoping for now as we are both ready for her to finally be here.

Additionally, because of Wolverina's station and position, Dr. Dixon said he thinks I will transition quickly.  He suggested that I'd go from having irregular contractions to regular, it's-time-to-go-to-the-hospital contractions pretty quickly.  Ray asked him if he could get that guarantee in writing, but Dixon declined.  He said that although my chances of that happening are excellent, they aren't guaranteed.  Even if he won't put it in writing, I'll take it.  That was probably the best news he gave us yesterday.

Are you craving anything? Still her arrival.  I dreamed we were home with her for the Clemson game on Saturday and that we'd dressed her in the FSU onesie that Leah gave us.  I'm hoping it was more of a premonition than a dream...

How do you feel?  Cumbersome.  Tired.  Ready.  Impatient.  Thirsty.  Uncomfortable.

What have you crossed off your to-do list this week? Organized the freezer.

What's left on your to-do list? 

1. Paint the wooden letters to hang on her wall.

How is Ray doing? He's well.  He's ready like I am and informs me each morning that "today is the day!"  On Monday, he got to feel her foot as she was trying to stretch out and make room for herself.  It is so amazing to watch him feel what I've gotten to feel, and I really love watching his reaction to her.  He really is going to be such an awesome dad!

Thirty-Eight Weeks

Baby's size this week: According to the app, she is almost 20 inches long and weighs in at 6.8 pounds.

Latest update from the OB:  Everything looks good.  My blood pressure was lower yesterday than it was at my first appointment, my weight gain is good, and the baby's heartbeat is still at 145 BPM.  At this point, measurements of my fundal height indicate that Wolverina will be weighing in somewhere in the seven pound range.  Given the large size of Handley/Nobles babies, I'm very relieved to hear this news.  Additionally, Dr. Dixon noted that Wolverina has dropped and asked me if I'd noticed a difference.  I have no doubt she's dropped because the spot under my left ribs no longer feels bruised, and it's a little bit easier to breathe.

We had a really good discussion regarding stripping membranes and the use of Pitocin.  Dr. Dixon did an excellent job of explaining what exactly stripping the membranes entailed and why he wasn't inclined to do it. He drew parallels between doing that and starting Pitocin right now.  Essentially, it boils down to this: while I am clearly at the end of my pregnancy, my body isn't ready to go into labor.  Because my body isn't ready, both would result in more discomfort for me because we'd be trying to force labor before it was time.  He went on to explain that there are other doctors in the practice who disagree with him, so he wasn't saying that it shouldn't be done.  It's just his belief that it wouldn't be helpful for me.  This further solidified my belief that Dixon is the right doctor for me.  He's a good blend of science and crunchiness, and he's very willing to explain his position, his philosophy, and the reasons behind it all.  And, he does it all in layman's terms.

Are you craving anything? I'm craving her arrival!

How do you feel?  Like a 9.5-month pregnant woman.  I'm exhausted, unwieldy, and prone to hot flashes.  The nausea is back.  I did some reading over the weekend, though, about exercises I could do to get some relief in my back and hips, and they have been quite helpful.

What have you crossed off your to-do list this week? Ironed Wolverina's coming-home outfit (which made Ray laugh a lot), packed the hospital bag, made the list of last-minute items to add to the bag before we leave the house, taped that list to the front door, and completed the ABCs of infants class.

What's left on your to-do list? 

1. Paint the wooden letters to hang on her wall.

How is Ray doing? He's doing very well.  He got a big laugh out of the baby last night.  We were sitting on the couch, and to be funny, he stuck his cold feet on my stomach.  Wolverina freaked out and kicked him really hard and started trying to squirm away from the ice blocks.  He said, "She's like her daddy!  She hates it when you put your cold feet on her!"  And so he pulled them away, waited a minute until she'd relaxed, and then put his cold feet back on my stomach just to aggravate her.  He repeated this several times, laughing each time she kicked at him.  If I wasn't laughing so hard at him laughing at her, I would have felt sorry for Wolverina.  But it is so neat to watch him interact with her at this point.