Fourteen Weeks

This week: Wolverine Baby is three and a half inches long or about the size of a lemon.

Development: This week, Wolverine can make all kinds of faces.  She can squint, frown, and grimace.  She can also urinate (because her kidneys are producing urine now) and grasp with her little hands.  Also this week, her spleen will start helping to produce red blood cells, and her liver will start producing bile.

Are you craving anything? Yes!  And none of it is good for me.  I'm embarrassed to say that when I went to Costco on Sunday, I filled my buggy with waffles, Hot Pockets, pizza rolls, corn dogs, and chicken pot pies.  I realized this was not a wise decision, so I put it all back except for the corn dogs and pot pies.  So now I have something like 30 corn dogs in my freezer.  I'm just really relieved that TCBY isn't on my way to work.  I'd be there every day if it was.

Is there any food that turns you off? Yesterday for lunch, I tried to eat one of the chicken pot pies I got at Costco.  Um, it didn't work out well.

How do you feel? I'm still pretty nauseated (and beginning to worry that I'll be one of those women who's sick for nine months), and I still have heart burn at night.  But many of the other symptoms have abated, so that's been very nice.  I willingly admit, though, that my emotions seem to be crazier than usual these days. 

How is your sleep? Fairly good last night, but poor the night before last.  It feels like I can only get a good night's sleep every other night.

Most surprising thing you've noticed or experienced:  Probably the sobbing and laughing at the same time as mentioned in this post.  I'm also surprised at how much I think my bump looks like a beer belly. :)

Something you're surprised you haven't noticed or experienced: I was really thinking the nausea would be gone at this point.

Favorite/most comfortable article of clothing: A navy dress I found at Target a few weeks ago.  However, I have a feeling it'll end up being something I want to burn later because I will have worn it so much.  It's just really, really comfortable and still flattering.

How is Ray doing? He's taking my hormone-induced breakdowns like a champ and has really stepped up when it comes to cooking since I can't deal with raw meat.  Really, some days I feel like I married a man with the patience of Job.

This Is Normal

On Friday, I had a first in the CrossFit gym.  I got a DNF for a workout.  I left the gym pretty upset and called Ray.  He was kind but fairly unsympathetic.  In fact, his response was, "Honey, you're pregnant.  It's no big deal.  If there was ever a time for a DNF to acceptable, it's now."  I tried to explain that being pregnant, in fact, made the situation worse because hormones made having a reasonable reaction to being unable to complete a workout much more difficult. 

After getting home and getting a shower, I tried to relax on the couch and just sort of get okay with what happened in the gym.  Ray came in a few minutes later, sat next to me, and asked how I was doing.  I answered, "I'm fine, really.  I'm very fortunate, and we have a very good life, and I have nothing to complain about."  He nodded.  Then I started crying really hard.  I said, "I know all of that, but..." And while still sobbing, I started laughing at myself because I knew what I was about to say would be ridiculous, but I needed to say it.  "But... but... I don't... don't... have a.... a waist... anymore!  I've... had a waist... since... since I was... eighteen!"  (Imagine that all of those ellipses are actually filled with sobs, gasps, and laughs.) 

Ray couldn't help it.  He started laughing and said, "You do realize you're laughing and crying at the same time, right?"  I started laughing and crying even harder and nodded.  Once I calmed down, I tried to explain to him what was going on.  DNF-ing was a major blow for me.  I've never not finished.  I'm not a quitter.  So, I came home already upset and then just sort of got overwhelmed by all the changes going on with my body right now.  I have zero control over things these days, and that's not something I'm super comfortable with.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't think I have body-image issues or anything like that, and I'm well aware of the fact that my body will be growing and changing because I'm pregnant.  Ray, trying to be helpful, reminds me on a daily basis that all of this is normal.

But, it's not normal!  Not for me.  It's not normal for me to DNF.  It's not normal for my clothes not to fit.  It's not normal for me to feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  It's not normal for me to have to take medicine to feel halfway decent.  It's not normal for me to crave corn dogs and chicken pot pies and frozen yogurt.  It's not normal for me to be unable to sit comfortably on a chair for the duration of one dinner.  And it's certainly not normal for me to sob and laugh at the same time.  So while all of those things may be normal for pregnant women, I've spent 32 good years not being pregnant.  Therefore, those things don't feel normal for me, and because it's all so different and foreign, it can feel overwhelming.

I am obsessive compulsive a planner a Type A personality.  I'm accustomed to having a plan (or possibly six plans with several contingencies for each) and having a fair amount of control over certain aspects of my life.  But being pregnant has made me realize there's a lot I don't have control over.  And even the simple things that I used to have control over (like my complexion, my workouts, my energy levels, and my wardrobe) are now running amok, and there's little to nothing I can do about it. 

I realized after reflecting on all of this that I just need to settle in and find my new normal.  I do this each time Ray deploys or has to leave for an extended period of time.  There are two normals in my life: Ray's Home Normal and Ray's Gone Normal.  I guess I need to work on finding Pregnancy Normal.  And, then of course, Wolverine Normal after she arrives.  I know I'll be able to find this, but I think it will take some time.  So much has changed in a little over thirteen weeks, and there are so many more changes to come.  Change is good, and I do like a challenge.  Maybe I just need to view this pregnancy as a challenge - to see how quickly and how easily I can adapt to all the crazy changes?

The strangest part about all of this is that I wouldn't trade it.  I'll take my DNF, my Zofran, my corn dogs, and my new love of elastic waistbands.  Because the alternative - not having Wolverine Baby - isn't even close to worth it.  How strange to feel such overwhelming feelings for someone I've not met!  Of course, I've read that this, too, is normal. :)



 

"So You're Sayin' There's a Chance!"

Yesterday, we went for what Dr. Dixon called "early testing" for certain chromosomal disorders that our baby could have.  These tests were to look for early indicators that Wolverine Baby might have Down's Syndrome or Edward's Syndrome.  The first test is done by ultrasound and is a nuchal translucency screen.  The second is a blood test, so I'll go back to Quest labs today and let the vampire phlebotomist take yet another vial of my blood.  (Seriously, since I've gotten pregnant, I've had seven vials drawn.  That's more than I've had drawn in the last four years combined.  And I really don't care for needles.)

Everything looked really good on the ultrasound, and the technician who was running the machine was really great.  She printed lots of pictures for us and seemed to really enjoy looking at the baby with us and seeing our reactions.  In addition to checking the fluid at the base of Wolverine Baby's neck, she also checked to make sure her heart was in her chest, that she had two arms and two legs, and that her skull was forming as expected. 

This ultrasound was much different than our first, perhaps because the machine is better, or maybe just because there's been more development of the baby.  Ray got a huge kick out of this picture and expressed his concern that Wolverine Baby is already flicking us off.

Isn't that kind of a creepy picture?  I mean, I'm glad her facial bones are forming and whatnot, but based on this picture, maybe we should start calling her "Skeletor Baby."

I've been using feminine pronouns when referring to the baby since I was about six weeks pregnant.  I have been completely convinced the baby's a girl.  This is based on absolutely nothing since, at the time, I had nothing to go on.  However, I was 100% sure it was a girl (and, of course, then completely prepared for it to actually be a boy because I was so convinced it was a girl).  Ray eventually confessed that he also thought it was a girl because "SF guys always have girls."  (Not always, but there are way more baby girls than baby boys among the SF guys we know.) 

Our technician asked if we were interested in finding out the sex of our baby before it was born, and Ray and I said that we were.  She then explained that although reproductive organs have not developed at this point in the pregnancy, there is something she could look for that would give an indication of what we'd have.  We asked her to look, and this is what she showed us:

I know this isn't the greatest picture ever, so let me explain what she showed us.  See the arrow on the left hand side of picture?  That's pointing at something (I'm sorry I can't recall what she called it) that is a good indicator of which reproductive organs will develop in the coming weeks.  If this thing is parallel with the body, it's likely to develop into a clitoris.  If it's perpendicular to the body, it's likely to develop into a penis.  Because Wolverine Baby was squirming so much, it was hard to get a picture that showed both this part (I really need to find out the name of this thing) in relation to her body, but... It was definitely parallel.  So, at this point, we are 80% sure we're having a girl!  We'll find out for certain at our next appointment with them on May 1.

Yay for a healthy baby and for another September girl!!

Thirteen Weeks

This week: Wolverine Baby is almost three inches long, which is about the size of a medium shrimp.

Development: Wolverine now has fingerprints, and her veins and organs are visible through her skin.  Also, if she's a girl, more than 2 million eggs are in her ovaries.  And, bonus: her body is starting to grow into her "oversized head," which is now just one third the size of her body.

Are you craving anything? I have wanted sweets (mainly TCBY and red velvet cupcakes) a lot, but I'm not sure that actually qualifies as a real craving.  However, on Monday, while trying to decide where to eat lunch with Katherine and Lyndsey, I thought about Harry's shrimp po' boy.  And then I realized I wanted needed one immediately. 

Is there any food that turns you off? Veggies.  I'll eat a salad out of sheer guilt because I know I need to eat vegetables, but the thought of asparagus or green beans or sweet potatoes?  No thanks.

How do you feel? The nausea seems to be getting better, but it's still not gone yet.  

How is your sleep? When I sleep at night, it's pretty good, but I have a difficult time staying asleep past 4:00 a.m. still.  But on the weekends when I can nap, those naps are amazing.

Most surprising thing you've noticed or experienced: I'm already uncomfortable lying on my back.  I asked the nurse about this at yesterday's doctor's appointment.  She said that it wasn't unusual given my size.  I'm not sure how I feel about this news.  Does that mean that I'm more likely to be really uncomfortable later?

Something you're surprised you haven't noticed or experienced: Nope.

Favorite/most comfortable article of clothing: The cotton sundresses I can wear on the weekends.

How is Ray doing? Awesome.  He's learning about cribs, changing tables, strollers, and car seats.  He's also working hard on putting together a plan for getting the house ready for the baby and making sure we're all comfortable and happy.

March Sadness

This year, the Florida State men's basketball team made school history.  For the first time ever, they won the ACC tournament and then secured a number three seed in the NCAA tournament - the Big Dance!  While I wouldn't call myself a rabid fan of college basketball by any means, I do love the Seminoles.  And I do enjoy March Madness.  For the past several years, I've diligently filled out a bracket and participated in office pools.  (As a side note, the best I ever did in one of these pools was when I filled out two brackets.  One was based on what I knew of the teams.  I based my decisions on who would win for the other bracket upon which mascot I thought would win if they were to brawl.  That bracket almost won.)

Yesterday, Katherine and I each filled out a bracket.  There's no money on the line, just bragging rights.  And as I am a fairly competitive person, bragging rights are a major bonus for me.  When I got to work this morning, I diligently went through our brackets making note of the winners of yesterday's games.  So far, she's ahead by three games.  But that's not what's making me sad.  Today, while planning my afternoon (which includes watching FSU win their first game, of course), I realized that I cannot drink while watching the game.  There have only been a few times over the past couple of months when I've missed being able to have a drink, but none of them have been really bad. 

But this?  FSU being a number three seed?  Lots of good, exciting games to watch?  Nachos to eat?  Or, better yet, sweet Thai chili zingers from Ale House!  And no beer to go with it all?!?  Is there really a better pairing than college sports and beer?  I think not.  I am now deeply depressed.

And so there will only be March Sadness for me this year.  Unless FSU wins it all, in which case, I may be able to pull myself out of the depression long enough to celebrate sober.

Go 'Noles!

P.S.  Sarah, I feel certain a red velvet cupcake would help alleviate some of the depression also if you'd like to deliver.

Twelve Weeks

Someone sent me a link to a baby blog a month or so ago with weekly updates.  I really like the author's posts that answered general questions about her progress, so I'm going to use a format similar to hers.


This week: Wolverine Baby is the size of a lime (just a little over two inches long)

Development: In week twelve, the baby's reflexes begin to develop, and the intestines begin to move into her abdominal cavity.  Also, the app on my phone assures me that Wolverine Baby's face now looks "unquestionably human" as her eyes are now on the front of her head and her ears are in their proper place.  (The app makes no mention of the development of the wolverine claws this week...)

Are you craving anything? Nothing consistently, but the power of suggestion is strong.  The mere mention of cupcakes makes me salivate.  And when Annie offered to make me a pecan pie to celebrate Sine Die at work, it took all of my strength not to just go sit in her kitchen until it was done.  (I may have had a piece for breakfast this morning.  Don't judge me!)

Is there any food that turns you off? Not right now.  However, when I am hungry, I tend to have more aversions to food than actual cravings.  I haven't been able to deal with raw chicken for months now, though.

How do you feel? I think I caught a stomach bug yesterday, so not too great today. 

How is your sleep? I consistently wake up every morning at 4:00 a.m.  And then I can't go back to sleep until about fifteen minutes before Ray's alarm goes off.  But when I fall asleep on the couch at 8:00 p.m., that sleep is great!

Most surprising thing you've noticed or experienced: My coworker, Lyndsey, not believing me when I told her I was pregnant.  It took three minutes and another coworker, Katherine, promising it wasn't a joke to convince her.

Something you're surprised you haven't noticed or experienced: Nope.

Favorite/most comfortable article of clothing: The pajama pants I'm wearing in the picture above.

How is Ray doing? Ray is amazing.  I've said it countless times, but I really couldn't ask for a more supportive husband.  And this morning, when he was taking my picture he said, "There's really nothing to take a picture of, honey."  As I was feeling bloated and rather like a cow, I appreciated that a lot.

When to Tell Everyone Else

I've been so concerned about not having our secret get out for the reasons mentioned in my previous post.  But now that I'm getting really close to the twelve-weeks marker (when we told our parents they could start sharing the good news), I've started to really consider whom I want to tell and how I want to tell them.  Like I felt with our parents, I feel like there are some people we should tell before we tell the world.

Two of those people are our siblings.  After all, they're our closest kin besides our parents.  My original thought was to tell both Ray's sister and my brother right before we lifted the gag order on our parents.  However, on Wednesday, I had a very bad bout with a rather unpleasant (and fairly personal) pregnancy symptom.  I was very, very uncomfortable and on the verge of having Ray drive me to the hospital to get some relief.  As I was on the floor with chills and clammy skin crying from the discomfort and frustration, Ray proposed that we first try something from over the counter.  As he was on his way out the door to the pharmacy, I said, "Honey, if you want to call your sister and see what she says, I'm fine with that."  Elizabeth is a labor and delivery nurse at the local hospital and has had three kids herself.  I figured that she might have some good advice about what to do.  He asked, "Are you sure?"  I said, "Positive.  I don't care.  I just need some relief."

Twenty minutes later, Ray was back with some medicine and a much better explanation about what was going on than I'd been able to find in my pregnancy books or through a Google search.  Apparently, not only are pregnancy hormones contributing to the issue, but my prenatal vitamins are exacerbating the problem.  Since I'm not going to stop the prenatals, Elizabeth recommended an additional safe-for-preggered-women medicine to offset.  As I was reaching for my phone to send her a thank you text, I got one from her asking my due date.  It was so nice to talk to someone who is so knowledgeable and who can talk about things from a medical perspective and from personal experience.  I feel so grateful for her.

After telling Elizabeth, I felt like I should tell my brother and his fiancee.  It feels wrong that Ray's sibling knows our secret but my brother doesn't.  However, I decided to hold off just a little bit longer on telling them.  They're getting married April 7, and their bachelor/bachelorette weekends are this weekend.  While I certainly don't think our sharing our news with them would have had an impact on their adventures, I just didn't want to say or do anything that would, in any way, take their focus - even for a moment - off having tons of fun with their friends for the next several days.  I've been texting with Patrick and trying to find a night soon where we can all meet for drinks.

I spent some time talking to my mom about telling the rest of the family.  I've told her I'm okay with her telling pretty much whomever she wants (after I get out of the first trimester) but that I would really like to be the one to share with my two aunts.  They have both been such a fun part of my life; I cannot imagine how awesome they'll be as great-aunts.  (I'm certain my child will be rotten because of them.)

Beyond these family members, we'll want to tell our friends, of course.  But I think I'm going to abstain from posting it on Facebook.  I know it's the cool thing to do, especially if you're like Kellie O'Dare, and I do my fair share of postings.  But I think I'd rather just let the news spread the old-fashioned way (and coming from a small town, I have no doubt it will spread quickly)...  Just a few more days!

September Babies

I was born on September 3, 1979, which was my paternal grandmother's fifty-first birthday.  I loved sharing my birthday with her, and I feel like it played a role in how close we were.  When I was 14, my cousin Rachel was born on September 14.  Both of Granny's granddaughters were September babies.  (Both of her grandsons were January babies.  I always thought that was kind of neat.) In addition, Granny, Rachel, and I all shared the same middle initial, C.  Granny's middle name was Clarice, mine was Corinne, and Rachel's is Claire (she's Granny's namesake).  Rachel and I are very close, and I enjoy our relationship so much.  I know that the age difference between Rachel and Wolverine Baby will be a little more than the difference between Rachel and I, but I hope they end up with the same kind of bond Rachel and I have.

In addition to the September birthdays on my side of the family, Ray's sister Elizabeth was born on September 21, and his cousin Haley was born on September 11.  So when you think about September in the VanHandleyham family, you end up with a mess of September birthdays.  I really hope that our little Wolverine Baby gets to share a birthday with her aunt or one of her cousins.

I also really cannot wait to teach her (I'm totally convinced it's a girl, but that's for another post) my favorite September phrase: It's my birthday month! ... Although, upon reflecting how many times I've used that phrase with Ray, I may live to regret doing so.

First* Doctor's Appointment

*Okay, so you might notice the asterisk after "First" in the title.  I should clarify.  This entry is about the first doctor's appointment that I think really counts.  I had an appointment before this one, but I went by myself because it was mainly just filling out paperwork and getting a tour of North Florida Women's Care.  I didn't even meet my obstetrician at that appointment.

Our first appointment with the obstetrician was at 8 weeks, 6 days.  The purpose of the appointment was to meet Dr. Dixon, who I chose based on the recommendations of a nurse at my primary physician's office and of several other women I've talked to over the years who all really liked him, and to check on the baby.  Ray came with me to this appointment because it's very important to me that he be there for appointments.  This appointment in particular was important because I knew I'd be getting an ultrasound, and I wanted him to be there for that.

I was feeling all kinds of nervous about this appointment.  I have spent the better part of my pregnancy worried about one thing or another concerning the baby.  I think that a lot of where the worry comes from is the fact that we were in session, and I knew I'm wasn't taking care of myself like I would out of session.  I spent all day every day at a desk.  I had no time to get to the gym, and as it was dark when I left for work and dark when I got home, I couldn't even go for a run/walk.  Add to that I was eating three meals a day at my desk.  And the food I did eat wasn't as good as it could have been were I able to get home and prepare a home-cooked meal.  Finally, I didn't feel like I was getting enough sleep.  So my mind translated all of these things into me not taking care of myself and, therefore, not taking care of the baby.  I was worried that something would be wrong at this appointment.

When Dr. Dixon made it to the exam room to meet us, I liked him pretty much immediately.  He has a very relaxed manner, and he's also very straightforward.  We chatted just a little bit about what he read on my chart, about how long Ray and I had been together, about what I did for work, and then he said, "Well, let's go ahead and do to the ultrasound.  We do this to confirm your estimated due date and make sure we're guessing correctly on that, and we also do it to check viability of the pregnancy.  After we do that, we'll talk some more."

I appreciated that so much!  Yes, let's go ahead and make sure everything's like it should be before we spend any more time talking about where to go from here.  

So, he began the ultrasound.  I have no idea what I was expecting, but whatever it was, it was nothing like what I saw/felt/thought.  I just remember being amazed that this thing inside me was already so identifiably a baby.  It looked just like a tiny version of a baby.  (And I do mean tiny.  The baby was only about an inch long.)  We could see the head and the body and even feet and hands.  After letting us marvel for a moment, Dr. Dixon noted, "There's the heart - you can see it moving.  We should be able to hear that."  And then he turned on a microphone that allowed us to hear the baby's heart pounding away at about 160 beats a minute.  I still can't decide what was more amazing: hearing the heartbeat or watching the fluttering of the heart.

Here's a picture of the baby:

Dr. Dixon zoomed in so that we could get a better look since it was still so tiny.

Also, this baby is a squirmy worm!  It was moving all over the place.  Of course, I couldn't feel a thing, but we watched as it moved its hands and feet and basically just squirmed a bunch.  At one point, the baby held out its hand, and we could see what will eventually be the hand bones.  I started laughing and said, "It looks like Wolverine!" 

Wolverine claw:

I have stared at these pictures and the others Dr. Dixon took for what probably amounts to hours.  I'm just amazed.

After the ultrasound, we spent some time talking about what to expect over the next several months, and he did confirm the September 26, 2012, due date.  The only truly disappointing thing happened when we were discussing diet.  Dr. Dixon said he didn't put a lot of stock in much of the "You can't eat that!" warnings.  He specifically okayed sandwich meat later on in the pregnancy and said I was also good to eat most cheeses.  I got really excited and asked, "Do I really have to eat my steaks well done?? I love a steak medium rare, and to cook it well ruins it!"  He laughed and said, "I'm sitting here telling you to ignore all the stuff you've read about what you can't eat, and you ask about the one thing you really have to listen to.  Yes, you have to eat your steak well done.  All meat needs to be well done.  I'm sorry about that one!"  Bummer.

Dr. Dixon ended the appointment by reassuring us that everything was just like it was supposed to be.  After we left, Ray and I agreed that we both really liked him and felt comfortable with him.  As Martha would say, "And that is a good thing."

Telling Our Parents

We found out I was pregnant at three and a half weeks into the pregnancy.  Obviously, we were both excited and wanting to share the news, but I was also concerned about sharing the news too early.  Ray understood my concern and agreed to wait until I felt ready to share.  After about a week, I was dying to tell someone.  I considered telling my closest friends, but I realized that it felt wrong to tell anyone before we told our parents.  I just felt like it would be disrespectful to them.  So, after talking about it with Ray, we agreed to tell our parents and swear them to secrecy.

Telling our parents was a risk.  After all, Benjamin Franklin wisely stated that three can keep a secret if two are dead.  And we were about to tell four people who would probably be extremely excited (and, in some cases, possibly more excited than Ray and I were) and would be bursting to share the good news.  Eventually, though, we decided that we'd tell them, outline why it was so very important that they keep the news to themselves, and hope that they could honor our wishes.

Under the guise of having a dinner to celebrate Ray's new job, we invited my parents to Tallahassee for dinner on a Sunday night.  We asked them to come to Jack and Ann's for a celebratory cocktail before we went to dinner, and it helped that Annie had some candles and vases she needed to return to my mom.  I was pleased and relieved that none of our parents questioned this request to gather on Ty Ty Court before the meal.

At about 3:00 p.m., just hours before we were all supposed to gather, my dad called.  He wanted to know if it was okay if he just came by himself.  I paused and said, "No, not really.  Mom needs to come, too."  Daddy explained that Mom was really sick and had been in bed all day.  I scrambled for reasons I could give that would make him get her to Tallahassee, but I couldn't come up with anything other than the truth.  So, I asked, "Can Mom hear me right now?"

He said, "No.  She's in the bedroom."

I took a deep breath and said, "Daddy, I'm pregnant."

There was a most pregnant paused (pun intended) and he asked, "Well, is that a good thing?"

I laughed hard and said, "YES!  But do you now understand why it's so important that Mom come?  We're having this dinner to tell you all together!  Mom needs to be here!"

He said he understood and would do what he could to get her there.  After I got off the phone with him, I called Ray and filled him in.  We talked about what to do and finally decided that we'd just have to call Mom and tell her on speakerphone while we told the others.

When Daddy arrived alone, I wondered how we'd come up with a reason to call my mom.  Ray called her under the guise of needing to talk to her about some of the candles Annie had for her.  After a brief greeting exchange, Ray said, "We have something we think might make you feel better... We're pregnant!"  There was a lot of jumping up and down and hollering and hugging and other general excitement.  When things finally quieted down some, my mom was asking, "Are you kidding me?  Please don't kid with me about that!  I want grandkids so bad! It's not funny to kid about that!"  When we finally convinced her that we were, in fact, serious, we began explaining why they couldn't share our news.

There were two main reasons we wanted to keep the news quiet.  First, it was still very early in the pregnancy - just about seven or so weeks.  So much could still happen, and I wasn't comfortable spreading the news until we were certain the pregnancy was a little more viable.  Second, it was the middle of legislative session, and I work in the Office of the Senate President.  It's a stressful time of year for the office, and I had major concerns about sharing that kind of personal information with my coworkers and the chief of staff.  While I recognize that there are laws prohibiting discrimination against pregnant women, I simply did not feel comfortable and wasn't sure the news would be welcomed.  All parents seemed to understand.  They were disappointed they couldn't share with their friends or our family, but they all said they would be respectful of our wishes.

We are so blessed to have parents who are, from the very start, respectful of what Ray and I want regarding our child!

Pregnancy Symptoms

I downloaded a pregnancy app from BabyCenter on my phone.  It gives daily updates about the baby, the pregnancy, and all sorts of other pregnancy-related things.  One day, it gave a list of symptoms I "may be experiencing" in this first trimester.  The list included:

• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Gas
• Bloating
• Swollen, tender breasts
• Heartburn
• Frequent urination
• Constipation
• Heightened sense of emotion
• Difficulty sleeping
• Excessive production of saliva
• Breakouts

I died laughing as I read the day's update as I am experiencing every single one of these symptoms to some degree.  The nausea got so bad that I ended up having to call the doctor to get something to help.  Within an hour of me taking my first dose of Zofran, Ray said to me, "Wow!  That stuff must work!  It's the first time I've seen you smile in a week and a half!"  Really, Zofran is my new best friend.  The nausea was so bad that there were mornings I couldn't even drive myself to work.  I tried every natural remedy recommended to me by the doctor and the internet, and nothing worked.  I was amazed, though, by how many natural options there are that can give women relief. 

As for heightened sense of emotions... I don't think I've been too mean or grouchy, but Ray's probably a better judge of that.  I do know, though, that I cry over the most ridiculous things these days.  I've cried over episodes of "How I Met Your Mother," over the thought of having to put headbands (the ones that look like garters) on our baby, and a variety of commercials.

I'm certain that all of these things will be worth it in the end, but I cannot help but think of my Aunt Stacey.  I remember her telling me years ago that she "loved being pregnant."  While being pregnant is really exciting, I have to say that I am baffled about how anyone could love being this sick! She must have been one of those lucky women who experienced mild symptoms.

Here's to hoping the second trimester brings that relief that the books keep promising me!!

Three and a Half Weeks.

I'd never really given much thought to what it would be like if and when I found out I was pregnant.  I can tell you, though, that the situation I was in when I got a positive result was not anything like I'd imagined.

I decided to take a pregnancy test after becoming very ill at work and then not feeling better for several days.  I was convinced it was just some sort of food-borne illness, but so many people had jokingly asked if I was pregnant that I began to sort of wonder.  I didn't think I was pregnant, but I didn't know I wasn't.  So while at home on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I decided I'd take a test just to prove to myself that it really was a food-borne illness.

I carefully read the directions and then took the test.  I was expecting to wait the full five minutes for the results.  After all, that's what the directions told me to do.  However, within about fifteen seconds, two distinct lines were clearly visible.  I thought to myself, "Two?  Wait, I thought two means 'pregnant.' I must have read the directions wrong."  So I grabbed the instructions and reread them.  Then, I held the stick in one hand and the instructions in the other.  I kept looking back and forth between them with this inner dialogue going through my head: "My stick has two lines.  That's definitely two lines.  And they're both dark.  This picture on the instructions with two lines says 'Pregnant' underneath it.  And the picture with one line says, 'Not Pregnant.'  Unless I'm just really misreading this, I'm pregnant. WHAT??"  Then I remembered some statistic from some commercial that informed me that one in three women misreads a pregnancy test.  So, I decided I'd just start all over again.  You know, like how you count the money again just to make sure you got the right amount or how you rework the math problem to make sure you get the same answer.

I sat down on the bathroom floor, reread the directions, and took another test.  I got two lines again.  I stared at the pictures on the instructions again.  And then I thought, "I'm pregnant.  And Ray's in Alabama.  This is not how this was supposed to happen."  (Now, to be clear, "this" meant "how I found out I'm pregnant" - not "how I got pregnant."  I don't want any of you confused about that!)

In a daze, I walked to the living room and sat on the couch, still staring at the two positive tests.  Ray was working in Alabama in a fairly stressful course.  I briefly considered not telling him I was pregnant until he got home in three weeks.  I didn't want to add to his stress by throwing out such a life-changing fact over the phone when there was no way he could get home or really even talk to me too much.  His work schedule had him working very long hours, and I knew he wasn't getting much sleep.  After about five minutes of trying to decide whether or not to tell him, I concluded that I had to tell him over the phone.  Basically, this was huge news, and I had to tell someone.  And that someone needed to be my husband.  So, I called him and got his voice mail.  I don't even remember what I said, but I'm sure it was something like, "I need you to call me.  Immediately.  It's important.  Call me, okay?"  Then I sent him several text message that said the same thing - call me ASAP.  It's important.  And then I may have called him a couple more times and left increasingly frantic messages...

Fifteen long minutes later, Ray called.  I asked if he was alone and he said he was.  I just blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

He said, "You're what?"

I said, "Pregnant.  I'm pregnant.  Not joking." 

He whooped and said, "That's awesome, honey! That is so great!"

His reaction was amazing.  I apologized for telling him over the phone, and he told me I was being silly.  I confessed that I was excited, but I was also terrified and freaked out and overwhelmed.  After all, this was not the result I thought I'd get when I took the test, and it was all sort of unreal.  It was exciting news for sure, but it was also life-changing.  It's an awesome responsibility to be a parent.