Language Matters

Juliet practicing her language skills by saying firmly, "Anna, SMILE!"

 As a former English teacher, it's hard for me to suppress my passion about language and words.  I believe very firmly that words matter.  The words we choose to use on a daily basis have feelings attached to them, and these feelings impact and shape our world. 

I remember reading a study a few years back about the language our society uses with young girls.  Instead of asking them what they did at school that day, most people told young girls how pretty they were or how nice their outfit was.  I found this ridiculous but realized I was guilty of doing it myself, so I vowed I would make a concerted effort to change the way I talked to little girls.  And then I had two girls of my own, and that became even more important.

I constantly strive to tell both girls that I am proud of them.  I, of course, tell them that they are pretty and cute, but I spend a majority of the time focusing on how smart they are.  With Juliet, I also spend a good deal of time encouraging her to do things for herself or to problem-solve.  I want both girls to know that I have every confidence in their ability to do whatever they set their minds to.

Over the past week, I've really begun to see how the way I talk to Juliet and Anna has left an impression on Juliet.  I hear my words coming out of her mouth more and more often.  "Mommy, you can do it!" and "Pay attention!" are frequent refrains of hers.  (She also tells Filch and Ninja what to do in much the same way that I do, but that's for another post.)

I think I was most surprised (and delighted) when I heard Juliet talk to Anna in a way she's clearly seen me model.  On Sunday, Anna was on her play mat, and Juliet and I were on the floor next to her.  Anna rolled over, and I clapped and said, "Yay!"  Juliet also clapped, but then she leaned over and kissed Anna's head and said, "Yay, Anna! You are such a smart girl!"  Granted, I'm not sure that it really takes a lot of intellect for a three month-old girl to roll from her stomach to her back, but I love that Juliet saw her sister accomplish something important and praised her for it.

Yesterday morning, Juliet said she needed to go potty.  As I am trying to be consistent with her efforts to use the bathroom like a big girl, we went straight to the bathroom and got down to business.  After Juliet tinkled, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I am so proud of you!"  I had to laugh.  Clearly, she knows that "potty" and "proud" go together.

I'm sure much of Juliet's language is simply parroting, but I think there is value in making sure that what she parrots is positive.  And frankly, it takes a tremendous amount of effort some days to censor myself.  Juliet looks very much like her father, but her personality is so very much mine.  She is stubborn and sassy and independent and bossy.  There are moments when it takes all of my strength not to swear at her.  (Frankly, there are days when I think that not swearing at her is the greatest parenting victory of all.)  But as much as she challenges me, she is one half of my greatest blessing.  My children are the most spectacular thing God's ever given me, and I am so grateful for them both.

Anna Handley: Super Baby

So lately, I have been worried because Anna has not rolled over yet. Juliet rolled over before she was two months old, and I know I can't spend their lives comparing them to one another... But Juliet is the only other baby I have known. She is the standard for "normal baby" in our house.

So anyway, I've been worried and, of course, feeling guilty because I am sure it's somehow my fault. I haven't given Anna as much tummy time as I gave Juliet, and that is probably a contributing factor to the delay with Anna.

But this evening, she did it! I put her on her tummy on her activity mat, and she flipped over with two minutes. She didn't struggle or really have to work for it like Juliet did. She just flipped. I was so excited and happy, and exclaimed, "You did it!!!" I put her back on her tummy, and within 45 seconds, she'd rolled again. Juliet got excited because I was excited and got down on the floor with us and kept saying, "Yay, baby!" and clapping.

I feel so proud of Anna... And so relieved that I haven't done some sort of permanent damage.

Anna: Three Months

Yesterday, Anna turned three months old.  I cannot believe it's been three months since she was born.  It feels like she's always been a part of our family. 

At three months, Anna is:

• Starting to laugh
• Talking up a storm
• Still eating all the time
• More than 14 pounds and now in size 3 diapers
• Spending lots of time in her monkey bouncer and propped up on the Boppy pillow
• Projectile spitting up
• Not following any sort of consistent sleeping pattern at night
• Getting some tummy time 
• Enjoying still in my lap and facing out to see the world around her
• On the verge of being ready for the Bumbo seat

Last night, Anna finally (finally. FINALLY!) slept through the night.  I fed her at 1030, and I didn't hear a peep from her until I went into her room at 645 and woke her up.  Of course, I woke up at 415 worried that she'd stopped breathing and went to check on her.  And then I checked on her again at 500.  And 530. 

I should probably feel hopeful that this will be her new normal, but I really just sort of feel thankful that I got one night.  She is so very inconsistent at night that I can't even begin to predict what she will do.  Some nights, she's up every two-three hours.  Others, she sleeps in 4-5 hour stretches.  Nothing I do seems to impact how frequently she wakes.  And she is always hungry when she wakes up.  Maybe this last week (where she was waking every two hours) was a growth spurt, and last night was the glorious sleep that babies get after a big spurt?  The more I think about it, the more I think that's what happened.  She ate a ton last week - so much so that I had to move her up a diaper size. 

I'm so thankful for my healthy, growing girl!

Mommy, See?

"I colored that wall!"

Juliet has really started to enjoy coloring.  She likes her crayons that Aunt Stacey gave her for her birthday, and she likes my pens.  She will color in the booklet Aunt Stacey got her, and she will color on my work papers.  She will even color on junk mail.  Whenever she has finishes her picture, she always says, "Mommy, see?!?" 

Two Saturdays ago, she colored on the wall and the door with one of my pens.  (Thank goodness for Magic Erasers.)  We talked about how that was not an acceptable place to color, and she said she understood.

Then, last Friday, she colored all over her legs in the car on the way home from school.  As soon as I heard, "Mommy, see?!?" I was afraid to look in the back seat.  Instead of coloring on the legal pad I handed her, she had colored all over her thighs.  At least it wasn't on her clothes?  Or the leather seats?

One night last week, she remembered that we had bath crayons and asked for them.  I handed her the red one, and she went right to work, coloring on the tub.  Then she colored on two of the three walls.  She was so very proud of herself and kept saying, "I colored that wall!"  I think she was excited that she got to color on the walls after the talking-to she got last weekend.

Love this girl and her art!

Mama Needs a Vacation

This was as close as I'd let them get to each other today since Juliet was sick.

It's been eight weeks since Ray left.  Eight long weeks.  Sundays are, as I explained previously, hard days.  But this Sunday was probably one of the hardest.

Juliet projectile vomited at 8:30 this morning.  She soaked my bed, me, and herself before I could get her to the bathroom.  For someone who was projectile vomiting, she took it pretty well, but it went on for minutes.  It scared me.  And it was gross - I don't deal well with vomit.  I stripped myself, stripped her, and stripped the bed.  She got the comforter, both sheets, a pillow, and the mattress pad.  Sigh.

Then Anna had some serious gas issues today that had her ripping toots and spitting up like crazy.  In addition to soaking her bibs and burp cloths, she also soaked herself and me.

Mid-afternoon, Juliet managed to get poop on me while I was changing her second dirty diaper of the day.

It's now 10 till eight.  Juliet is in her fourth outfit (pajamas currently) of the day, Anna is in her sixth (she promptly spit up and soaked her pjs after bathtime), and I am in my third (but my shirt and jeans are wet with the last of the spit-up from Anna).

I am exhausted.  I have been puked on, spit-up on, and pooped on.  Being a single parent is hard, but one of the things I find most challenging is that I really don't ever get a break.  I know I need to get some help, but that's harder than I thought.  First, there really are only three or four people I would leave alone with both girls.  So I either need to find two sitters for the girls or one sitter and then take one of the girls with me.  And that, my friends, isn't really a break.  Second, in order to get two sitters (or to secure one of those few people who I trust with both girls at once), I need to plan way out - at least a week in advance.  And then add in the guilt factor: guilt at asking two people to sacrifice their time to watch my girls or guilt at paying for two sitters or guilt for asking the same people I always ask to help... Just guilt guilt guilt. 

Ray always makes it a point to ask me to find something good in my day when I've had a bad day.  So, in that spirit, I will say that I am so very, very grateful for Aunt Gay.  She brought Gatorade for Juliet, and she also brought us supper.  It was so very wonderful to not have to even think about supper.

The Most Amazing Thing I've Seen

As a mom, I have been amazed countless times by the things my daughters have done.  There are the sweet things that amaze me like the first time they smiled at me or coo'd in response to something I said.  There are the gross things that amaze me like projectile spit-up that lands on the floor a foot and a half behind me.  And there are milestone things that amaze me like listening to Juliet sing her ABCs for the first time by herself or seeing Anna begin to really focus her eyes on objects across the room.

But none of those things compares to the wonder and amazement I felt today as I watched Anna and Juliet truly interact with each other for the first time.  They were so plainly playing together that it was just ... well, amazing.  It felt like I was watching something miraculous unfold.  I know that seems dramatic, but it's truly how I felt.  For months, Juliet has poked and prodded at Anna and gotten no response.  But today, Anna responded.

I had both girls on the bed to get the weekly #MonthOfSundays picture.  Anna was her usual cooperative self, and Juliet was her usual crazy toddler self.  Anna began "talking," and Juliet thought it was funny, so she started laughing and getting in Anna's face.  Anna then began squawking at Juliet.  I managed to capture some of it with my phone before I had to stop Juliet from playing too rough.

I think that to most people, it may sound like Anna was mad.  But she wasn't.  Her mad cry is different: louder, longer, and a different pitch.  This truly was her talking back to her big sister.  And I didn't get it on video, but she would smile in between the squawks and would watch for Juliet to come back to her.  It was just so very, very cool to watch her play like that.  I love that she hollered back at her sister, who seems to be hollering a lot these days. 

I hope and pray that these two will have a lifetime of these moments together: playing and laughing hysterically.  It can be hard to have a good relationship with your siblings, especially if you and your siblings are too different or too alike.  But I want to do all that I can to nurture Juliet and Anna's relationship.  They will likely fight tooth and nail with each other as they grow up.  That's fine.  It's normal.  But I want them to face the world together, stick up for each other, and be each other's safe place.  I think that if I can teach them to respect each other, even if they end up very different, they'll be okay.

I so wish Ray had been here to share this moment with me.  But, if he was home, I probably wouldn't have pulled the girls onto the bed, so maybe this wouldn't have happened.  So in that case, I'm grateful for his absence as it allowed to me to be amazed by my children.

"This is so fun, Mommy!"

It looks like they're glaring at each other, but my phone seems to always capture the most unflattering expressions. 

Kitty Cat, Get Down!

As detailed in this post, Juliet is excellent at repeating what she's heard.  And "get down!" is something she's heard a time or two considering how she likes to climb onto the arms and back of the couch.  Juliet is also good at bossing Anna, Filch, and Ninja.  Well, she is good at telling them what to do.  None seems to mind her too well, and that seems to frustrate her as much as it frustrates me when she doesn't do as I've asked.  (Good Lord, is she my kid or what?)

It was a beautiful (and blustery!) day today, so while Anna was enjoying a nap, Juliet and I went outside to play with Ninja and Filch.  I threw the ball for Ninja and Juliet chased Filch all over the yard.  Filch, a very patient cat, finally realized that merely walking across the yard wasn't going to keep him safe from Juliet (who, by the way, was saying, "Kitty cat, hug!").

So, he dashed up a tree.  It is remarkable to me that he can still get his large kitty butt up a tree, especially when he does so quickly.  But I'm glad to know that he's still got it.  Juliet, on the other hand, was not as pleased.  At first, she thought it was funny.  But then he wouldn't come down.  Here is the story in pictures:

"Kitty cat, hug! Kitty cat tree!"

"Kitty cat tree! Kitty cat climb!"

"Kitty cat, GET DOWN!"

"My climb! Up!"

"Climb."

"Need help, Mommy."

Filch eventually came down on his own (Juliet was unable to climb to get him), and Juliet resumed chasing him and demanding hugs.  And, ever the cat, Filch continued to ignore her commands.

Handley Halloween 2014

For the past ten years, I have spent Halloween at Ray's parents' house.  Halloween is Ann's favorite holiday, and she always hosts a party.  Everyone wears costumes, and we eat chili and enjoy trick-or-treaters and trick-or-treating.  This year, although a little different with no Ray and no Elizabeth and her gang, was no exception. 

Juliet was a kitty cat (but she refused to wear her tail).

  

Anna was Einstein for reasons mentioned here.  And also because I think spending $20 on a costume for a 2-month old is crazy.

This was the first year Juliet was old enough to trick-or-treat, so I took her to some neighboring houses.  At the first house, we knocked on the door, and when they opened the door to give her candy, she got a little freaked out because they were strangers.  She wanted me to pick her up, but she relaxed as she saw some other kids her age also out, and warmed up to getting candy.  After four houses, she was tired (it's a long way to walk for such a small girl). 

So we went back to Jack and Ann's, and Juliet promptly handed out pieces of candy to all in attendance.  It was the cutest, sweetest thing.  There was no candy left in her bucket, and she wasn't bothered at all.  I love her so much!

Anna and Sleep

Anna has no problem sleeping during the day... Anywhere you put her is a good nap spot.

Anna isn't sleeping through the night yet.  I haven't gone back to confirm, but I feel like Juliet was down to one feeding a this point.  Anna is still eating at 1030, 1030, and 430.  And that's hard on me.  Ray is gone, so there's no one to help with the night duty, and I'm back at work full time.  Sleep is a hot commodity around here, and I'm not getting enough of it.  

Lack of sleep has a lot of adverse effects, and not the least of which is crabbiness.  I find that I am particularly impatient after a rough night with Anna (where she woke up more than usual or was up for long stretches instead of eating and going right back to sleep).  I'm also more prone to cry from feeling just so damn overwhelmed by it all.  Life is stressful, and it's hard for me to handle stress when I'm tired.

Hugh told me at the check-up last week that I could choose to let Anna cry it out in the middle of the night if I wanted, that it wouldn't harm her physically because she's growing well and didn't need the calories she's getting at those feedings.  I did some reading in Babywise and remembered that sometimes, kids need a little help dropping the middle-of-the-night feeding.  I'm torn about what to do, though.  I want to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time, but I'm terrified that if I let Anna cry it out, she'll wake Juliet (even though that's never happened before) and I'll end up with two screaming girls in the middle of the night with no one to help me settle them both back down.

I honestly think that at this point, she's waking out of habit more than anything else, so I may try to get her to settle down without feeding her and see if that makes a difference.  But it's so tempting to just feed her when I know that will keep her quiet and put her back to sleep.   I'm sure I'll get it figured out soon enough.  But it's times like these that I really, really miss Ray.  He can advise all he wants from afar and offer me all the support in the world.  But when it's time to pull the trigger and listen to her cry (and run the risk of waking Juliet), I'm on my own.  Funny how a grown woman can be so scared of a two-year old and a two-month old, isn't it?

Sleeping peacefully after a good supper.

Juliet the Parrot

Last week, I had a parent-teacher conference at Juliet's school.  Thankfully, this was a routine deal where all parents go in to discuss their children's progress - not some conference required because my child was misbehaving.

In the conference, the school's curriculum director and Juliet's teacher talked to me about Juliet's strengths and weaknesses and about where she fell among other children her age.  I was pleased to learn that her communication skills were at the top of the charts and that she was the only one in her class to know all her colors and most of her letters and numbers.

I would love to be able to tell you what we've done to foster Juliet's mastery of such things, but I have to be honest.  I think we do what most parents do: we talk to her a lot without using baby talk, and we read to her all the time.  And when we read, we stop and ask her questions about what she sees on the pages and ask her to identify things.  That's about it.  No Baby Einstein videos or tapes.  No Mozart.  Just good, old fashioned reading.

Like most children, Juliet has started repeating what she hears others say.  This has been going on for quite a while now, but it's becoming much more obvious lately.  For example, we were in the car together on Friday.  I stopped to get gas and purchased a car wash at the pump.  I drove to the wash and realized I'd forgotten the receipt with the wash code on it, so as I turned the car around, I said, "Oh crap.  I'm such an idiot."  And Juliet promptly said, "Oh crap. I'm an idiot."  Whoopsie.

It's funny, too, how she'll pick up on things you don't realize she's picking up on.  Whenever I'm holding or feeding Anna, Juliet likes to ask me to do things for her.  And she will ask again and again and again even after I explain that I'll help her as soon as I'm done with Anna.  Sometimes, I get frustrated with her repeated requests and will say, "I'm working on it!"  Today, Juliet had my car keys and was trying to lock Anna's door with them.  I asked, "Are you trying to lock Anna's door?" and she said quickly in the exact same exasperated tone I'm sure I use, "I'm working on it!"

In my ongoing quest to get Juliet to do what I ask her to do without me having to repeat myself, I've instituted a count.  Before Ray left, he started this with her, using a countdown from five, and that's what I've continued with.  I've found it to be very effective as she knows she won't like what happens if I get to one.  But never has it been more clear that the counting-consequence made an impact with Juliet than when we were outside throwing the ball for Ninja late last week.  (Please excuse her lack of pants and her messy hair.  She's two and does what she wants far more than I'd like.)

I love this kid.

They Might Be Giants

No, seriously.  They might be.

Today, Anna and Juliet both had well-child visit with Hugh.  I knew this would be a doozie of a visit with both girls at the same time and both of them needing immunizations.  But being back at work full time has added a layer of stress and certainly taken a big chunk out of my previously free time, and I really didn't want to take off for two separate appointments.  So to the doctor we all went.

Juliet, when she was an infant, tracked small.  Meaning, her height and weight percentile was below the 50th.  This was of no concern to me or to Hugh as the VanLandingham tend to be both short and thin.  We just figured Juliet was taking after my side of the family.  But then she began to track higher and higher on the height chart.  However, today... today, my child was in the 84th percentile for height.  84th.  She is just a hair under 36 inches tall.  Her weight was close to 26 pounds, which is average for her age. 

Anna, who was heavier and longer than Juliet on their respective birthdays, is clearly a chunky monkey.  Those cheeks and her thighs have been getting bigger and bigger as I have mentioned in previous posts.  And I knew she was also getting longer because I had to move her wipe warmer off of the changing table because there wasn't room for both her and it at the same time.  I didn't think, though, that she was that big compared to other babies her age.  But our littlest girl, our sweet baby... She is in the 86th percentile for length and 74th percentile for length.  She is massive.  Anna 12 pounds and 8 ounces and 23.5 inches long.  That length means that she's grown four inches from her birth measurement.  (But Ray maintains that the baby nurse measured her short, and the nurses at Hugh's did measure her at 20.5 inches just three days after she was born.  That's still three inches in two months, though, which is pretty significant.)

So, in the grand scheme of humanity, my girls are big.  They're not actually giants, but they are big.  This should not come as any sort of surprise to me.  After all, Ray is well over 6 feet tall, and everyone in his family is quite tall (including his mother and sister, who are both 6 feet tall).  But really?  Shouldn't my shortness sort of offset? 

Hugh reminded me that Juliet tracked small in the early stages so it's still possible that Anna will take after the VanLandinghams, but it's pretty likely that Juliet's going to be significantly taller than I am. ... Well, maybe that'll be a good thing.  It could eliminate the need for a step stool.  But, on the other hand, it will make putting things out of her reach something I'll only be able to enjoy for a brief while.

As much as I joke about wanting my girls to be like my side of the family, the truth of the matter is this: they are both super healthy, and I am beyond thrilled.  Numbers like that indicate that my children are thriving, which is what every mama crow wants.  Keep it up, girlies.  Mama's proud of you!

Anna: Two Months

 
Today, our sweet Anna is two months old.  She is the most amazing baby in the house for sure, and she is tied with her sister for most amazing baby of all time.  She is almost always calm, and she is just this sweet, sweet child.

At two months, Anna is:

• Smiling very frequently
• Just beginning to coo and make other talking noises
• Eating all the time
• Almost double her birth weight
• Wearing 6-months clothes
• Pretty unhappy in her car seat if she's awake
• Spitting up a lot after most meals
• Occasionally sleeping for 5-hour stretches at night (but mostly averaging 3-4 hours)
• Still enjoying bath time
• Very patient with her sister, who wants to kiss her and hold her and poke her in the eyes
• Excellent at following things with her eyes
• Beginning to learn to interact with her environment

Yesterday, I had Anna in her monkey bouncer in the kitchen while I was cooking.  I looked down at her, and I noticed she was swatting at a toy that was hanging in front of her.  She kept reaching out her left hand and hitting the toy and watching it move.  As soon as it stopped swinging, she would reach out for it again.  I'm pretty sure this means that she's advanced.  I mean, how many two-month old children understand the basic principal of action and reaction?  With this early understanding of Newton's third law, I think it's a safe bet that Anna will be a physicist.  She is amazing.

Juliet Turns Two

She picks out her own shoes every morning and puts them on herself.  I'm always happy when she picks shoes that quasi-match her outfit.

On October 1, Juliet turned two.  As mentioned in a previous post, Ray was gone for this event, so we'd already given her a big present from the two of us.  So, for her actual birthday, I decided to keep things simple.  We made cupcakes for her to eat with her friends at school (which is, according to her teachers, the norm), and we went out for pizza for dinner since Juliet loves pizza.  On Sunday, we had an ice cream party with family where Juliet showed off her tricycle-riding skills and was generally the best entertainment anyone could have asked for.  This was likely the best week of Juliet's life as she got cupcakes, pizza, and ice cream all in one week.  We do not give her any of these things (especially cupcakes and ice cream) on a regular basis.  Frankly, I was surprised she even knew what cupcakes are and can only assume she knows from other parties at school.

Here's a snapshot of Juliet at two:

• She knows all of her colors.
• She can correctly identify at least half of her letters and all numbers 1-10.
• She can sing her ABCs.
• She knows the sounds that many animals make and can identify almost all of the animals in all of the books we read.
• She frequently speaks in complete (if not always grammatically correct) sentences.  Recent examples include, "I see a bus!" "Where is that siren going?" "Daddy is at work," "I want to watch alligators," "I want snakes.  Snakes are dirty," and "Anna is sleeping."
• She is a good eater, but she is fickle in that she loves bananas (or peas or carrots or anything else she specifically asks you to give her) one minute and refuses to eat them the next.
• She loves to clean up by putting toys or other things into something else.
• She has developed the ability to pretend and imagines cooking supper all the time.  She always offers what she's cooked to everyone around her and says that it's "nummy."
• She is very good at giving commands: "Kitty cat, get down!" "Mommy, dance!" "Baby, clap!" "Baby, sing!" "Mommy, sit down now!"
• She remembers things and people.  We used to enjoy out-of-sight, out-of-mind with Juliet in that if you removed it from her sight, it was no longer an issue.  That is not the case these days, and she frequently asks for people (especially her daddy) who aren't around and for things (like her dress-up necklace that she got from Aunt Betsy for her birthday) that she can't find.
• She chooses her own shoes every morning and puts them on by herself (and even puts them on the correct feet).

And now, for pictures and hilarious video of ABCs (with some random "I love you" thrown in)...

Eating ice cream with sprinkles and rocking her birthday tiara and necklace

Pretending to cook supper using the drum set from Sarah and Blu

Licking the spoon after making cupcakes

Anna at 7 Weeks

It's funny all things that feel like miracles when you're watching your child develop and grow.  I remember, vaguely, being very excited when Juliet could focus on things and when she began to smile.  But with Anna, I'm getting to experience it all over again.

In the past week, Anna has really begun to focus her eyes on objects and track them.  She watches me carefully as I move around her nursery, and she (like her sister) loves to watch a ceiling fan.  She has also begun to smile actual smiles, not just gassy smiles.  Yesterday, she was fussing in her crib, so I went to get her.  And when she saw me, she smiled a huge smile that was not followed by any gas at all.  (Victory!)  It was the best feeling in the world!

She's also starting to coo and talk just a little.  I love love love the sound of her voice.  It is so sweet and calm.  I'm excited to hear her start talking more and to watch her begin to really interact with Juliet, who is desperate for Anna to be able to do more than just lay there.

The other night, at some point in the middle of the night when I was up with Anna, I was thinking about how different Juliet and Anna already are.  And perhaps it's just that Juliet is such a whirling dervish of toddler energy right now, but I feel like Juliet is my ball of fire and Anna is my grounded girl.  Or perhaps it's just that because I've done it with Juliet, things aren't as scary with Anna?  Maybe I'm calmer, so Anna is calmer?   Here are some differences I've noticed:

• Even at her fussiest, Anna isn't nearly as loud as Juliet was.
• Anna eats more than Juliet did, and although she has some gas issues, they are nothing like Juliet's were.
• Anna's witching hour is typically literally an hour.  (Unfortunately, it seems to be right around the time I have to drive across town and back to get Juliet, so there's lots of screaming in the car.)  Juliet's witching hour was hours long.

Because she's eating all the time, she's growing a lot as I've mentioned in previous posts.  However, curiosity got the better of me yesterday, and I weighed myself with her and without her.  There was a twelve pound difference.  So our tiny baby girl, who weighed under 8 pounds at birth, is now close to doubling her birth weight.  I've skimmed back through my posts about Juliet at this age, and I can't find anything about her weight, which makes me think that Anna's gains are more remarkable.

As with Juliet, we decided to breastfeed exclusively, so I'm not worried that Anna's gaining too much too quickly.  And when I'm exhausted from lack of sleep or feeling "touched-out" from incessant feedings, I remember this article, which my father-in-law shared with me while I was still feeding Juliet.  I also have Ray cheering me on, saying things like, "Look at Juliet.  She is proof that this is the right choice for us."  Here's to raising little girls with high IQs.

Milk coma

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

Dealing with a prolonged absence was hard before Ray and I got married and had children. The first deployment, to Iraq, was - in many ways - the hardest.  And subsequent deployments, schools, and other extended absences were challenging, but I always felt like it got easier.  It got easier to say goodbye.  It got easier to find ways to stay busy while he was away.  It was never easy, but it got easier. 

But getting married and having kids changed all of that.  It is, without a doubt, more challenging emotionally now.  He is not my boyfriend or my fiance.  He is my husband and my partner and the father of my children.  Those three titles do not do justice to the role he plays in my life.  I was amazed after we got married how a simple ceremony and a piece of paper could alter how I felt about him so much, but it did.  And when our girls were born, I fell in love with him all over again.  (It's so cliche to say that, but it's so completely true.  Watching my husband, a man's man who has a rough job, be tender and gentle with our girls melts my heart every single time.)

It's also harder logistically now.  I no longer just have myself to take care of.  I am responsible for taking care of the physical and emotional needs of Juliet and Anna.  And there are days when that responsibility is completely overwhelming, especially when all three of us are sick and I haven't slept.  The logistics of taking care of them both in the mornings and evenings when we're trying to get to school or get fed and to bed are crazy.  There are two of them and only one of me.  Fortunately, Juliet is becoming more and more independent, so she can do a lot on her own.  And she's also getting really good at waiting patiently while I work with Anna during The Witching Hour.  But it's still hard. 

And add running the house and finances into this mix.  Let's not forget that... Or the fact that I'm about to be back at work full time.  Time and again, people have said to me, "I don't know how you do it."  Well, here's the answer: I do it messily.  Three weeks in, I'm not sure I do it very well.  I mean, we're all still alive, and the bills are getting paid, but it is the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'm stressed out and overwhelmed and tired and feel that I'm failing a lot.  I don't have the patience I should have with a toddler.  I can't find the time to take care of myself.  Some days, it's a miracle that I remember to brush my teeth.

But I am blessed with an amazing group of friends who help.  They help me when I ask for it, but more importantly, I've got friends who help me when I don't ask for it.  While I'm confessing my sins here, let me also say that I am a prideful person.  And I abhor asking for help.  There are few things I hate more.  I feel, a lot of times, like asking for help is an admission of my inadequacy or my inability to handle it all.  That is incredibly stupid, and I know it.  And yet, I still feel that way.  I also feel guilty for asking for help because I feel like I am imposing upon people when this is all my responsibility anyway.  But my friends know this about me, and they love me anyway.  So they force their help upon me.  They organize freezer meals for me.  They threaten to take one or both of my children for a few hours so that I will rest.  They bring me supper and hold Anna so that I can eat.  They ignore my polite requests that they go home to their own families, my insistence that I'm really fine, and they play with Juliet while I try to quiet a screaming Anna.  They don't go to the grocery without texting me to see if I need anything from Publix.  They drop what they're doing and come take care of Anna so that I can try to sleep off a sinus infection.

A friend in NYC, Lynsley, has been referring to her "framily" a lot.  These are the family who are friends and the friends who are family.  The friends who are so helpful to me these days are my framily.  They are the most wonderful mix of friends and family, spanning two generations, and they are the best women I know.  Thank you.  I could not do this without you.

Month of Sundays

Sundays in the Handley House are a family day.  We rarely do anything major outside the house and sort of take the day to focus on things we need or want to do for our family and to prepare for the week ahead.  It's a low-stress day, which I love and need.  Even before Ray and I were married, Sundays were always the one day of the week that we spent together just doing our thing.  Now that we are married and have children, Sunday is even more sacred.  And we started a tradition of grilling steaks each Sunday night and really enjoying a nice meal.  (Of course, this tradition was put on hold during both pregnancies since I refuse to eat a well-done steak.)

Because Sundays are our day, Sundays naturally are harder than other days of the week for me when he is gone.  I am more keenly aware of the fact that he's not here.  The first Sunday he was gone, I did the math to determine how many Sundays we'd be apart, and I realized it would be right around 31: a literal month of Sundays.  I wanted to find something positive to do with that information instead of focusing on how many lonely Sundays that would be.  You can miss a lot in a month of Sundays, and I realized that most of what Ray will miss will be the girls growing and changing.  I decided I'd try to keep track of the girls growing and changing by taking a picture of them on every Sunday until he gets home.  I'm going to compile them (somehow... I haven't decided exactly how yet) and then give them to him at the end of his trip.

Three weeks in, I'm glad I'm doing this - not just for him, but for me, too.  It's amazing to see the changes, especially in Anna, from week to week.  Today, our third Sunday, Juliet was taking a much-needed nap in our bed, and Anna was drowsy after her lunch, so I couldn't help staging this picture.  I love these two girls more than I could ever explain.

This Face

As I've stated in a previous post, being a big sister is hard.  Juliet is not getting the one-on-one attention that she used to get.  Most of the time, she handles it with grace and love, literally coming next to me to cover her sister in kisses.

But sometimes, and it's usually in the evenings when she's tired from a long day at school, Juliet does not handle it well.  Anna, although not as bad as Juliet, does seem to suffer during The Witching Hour.  And if she's suffering, rest assured that we're all suffering.  I'm suffering as Anna screams her head off and refuses to be consoled.  Juliet's suffering as I try to calm Anna and am unable to get Juliet cheese, take her outside, help her potty, or read her books.  Ninja's suffering while I work with Anna right past Ninja's 6:00 p.m. dinner time.  And even poor Filch is suffering because the combined crying of Anna and Juliet (and sometimes me) is too much for his kitty ears, especially given his PTSD.

I get frustrated with Juliet sometimes because she wants me to hold her or get her things or to have me let her hold Anna... all while Anna is screaming at top volume.  (I think I forgot to mention that sweet Anna has found her lungs and can now scream as loudly as her sister used to.  In fact, our neighbor actually heard Anna screaming yesterday morning - even though the neighbor was at the street and Anna was in her carrier in the kitchen.)  And then, when I'm frustrated, Juliet will sometimes throw a tantrum, which only exacerbates my frustration.  These moments are very, very hard and make me miss Ray more than usual.  His help and his pep talks would go a long way during The Witching Hour. 

In the end, though, I always manage to get Anna down (even if it takes two and a half hours).  And once she's down, I can give Juliet the attention she wants and needs.  When the house is calm after that storm, I am frequently just amazed at Juliet.  She reverts into the sweet child we know and love, reading books and laughing and snuggling.  A few nights ago, after a particularly rough time with Anna, I decided to treat myself to a chocolate pudding, and I asked Juliet if she wanted to share.  We really don't give her sweets, so this would be a huge treat for her.  She sat next to me on the couch and shared a Jell-O pudding cup that was delicious and perfect.  Of course, she ended up with chocolate all over her face.  But since she's almost two, she was not concerned and ran to get Corduroy, one of her current favorites.  Since I was drawing her bath, she decided she'd just sit in the hall outside the bathroom and read to herself until I was ready to snag her and toss her in the tub.  I love to watch her read independently (it's likely the English teacher in me - I can't seem to squash her) and grabbed my phone to get a picture.  She looked up and gave me a huge grin, and in that moment, all of the frustration, stress, anxiety, and sadness just left.  How can you not feel better about everything when you see that face?

If I can get that face from Juliet and Anna's smiles in the same day, I think I may have what it takes to bring peace to the Middle East.  With those two smiling at you, you feel like all is right with the world. 

Chunky Monkey

Anna

Somewhere, I have a picture of Juliet that looks very similar to this one... Turtle towel and chubby cheeks.  I need to find it and do a comparison, but I took this picture last week when I was marveling at Anna's weight gain.  It's extremely obvious in her cheeks and in her arms and legs.  I'm exclusively breastfeeding Anna, the same thing I did for Juliet, so it feels very good to see my child growing.

It is especially rewarding given how Anna eats.  Juliet ate every three hours.  You could set your watch by it.  Anna, on the other hand, eats all. the. time.  It seems that at least once a week, Anna goes into growth spurt mode and eats every 30 minutes - 2 hours.  This is extremely hard on a mom who is used to a three-hour baby.  It's also hard in the middle of the night when I'm up and down getting her from her crib, feeding and changing her, and putting her back down.  But when I look at her growing body (and, of course, in the days after the marathon feeds when she sleeps for 4-5 hours at night), it's totally worth it.

As of today, Anna is six weeks old.  I spent an hour this afternoon going through her dresser and closet.  I was pulling out all of the clothes in Newborn and 0 - 3 months sizes because Anna can no longer fit in them.  I opened the giant Space Saver bag of 3 - 6 months sized clothes and marveled at the fact that my six week-old daughter is wearing clothes someone twice her age (or older!) wears. 

Side note: I also thanked God for Elizabeth, Adrianne, and Melissa.  Those three have pretty much set it up so that we've not had to buy clothes for either of our kids because they give us their hand-me-downs.  And one of the great things about hand-me-downs for kids this small is that they're all in really good shape, even though some of the clothes have been worn by four other girls (Ella, Ava, Holland and Juliet on Liz's side and Addison, Anna S., Juliet, and Sophie on the Wimberley sisters' side).  It's really neat to pull out things I remember Juliet wearing, and I'm so glad to have the opportunity to pass things along to Ray's cousin, Katie, who is expecting a girl in February.

Anna is starting to smile in response to me, and that's pretty amazing.  I'd forgotten how awesome it is when your child actually smiles at you and not gas.  I love this happy, chubby face!

Bath Time

We are fortunate that both of our girl like baths.  I hear horror stories from friends whose children fight baths and scream the entire time they're in the tub.  Juliet has loved baths from the time she was a tiny baby and has only screamed through baths as a side effect of something else that had upset her toddler world.  Anna appears to be much like her older sister when it comes to bath time.  She happily kicks and waves her arms and has never given any indication that she didn't enjoy the bath tub.

Last week, Anna had an accident that warranted a bath first thing in the morning.  So I started running the water, and Juliet came tearing into the bathroom to help.  She likes to stand next to me as I bathe Anna, lean into the tub, and splash as much water around as possible.  I got Anna into her seat and began bathing her when I noticed Juliet was not splashing.  Instead, she was trying her best to get undressed.  I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Bath time."  Since I didn't feel like dealing with a meltdown and because an extra bath never hurt anyone, I decided to let her join Anna in the tub.  I stripped her down and plopped her in the tub next to her sister, and Juliet promptly began naming all of the body parts she knows.  ("Baby head.  Baby toes.  Baby knee.  Baby eyes.  Baby ear.  Baby nose."  And so on and so on.)  She likes to touch the body parts as she names them, so in an effort to keep her from gouging Anna's eyes out, I told her I wanted to get a picture.  (Juliet is a ham and loves the camera.)  It took a couple of takes, but I finally got a decent shot of the two of them together.

I love this picture of their very first shared bath.  Of course it's wonderfully sentimental as I imagine they'll have lots of baths together in the future, but I also love it for another reason.  I love that Juliet looks all happy and excited, and Anna looks like she's thinking, "I'm not sure about this kid behind me.  I think she might try to drown me..."  Anna is excellent at giving her sister the stink eye already.  I can't wait to watch them grow together!

"My Bike"

For Juliet's first birthday, we got her a little red wagon.  She loved it so very much, so we wanted to do something similar for her second birthday.  After a little bit of pondering, we decided to get her a tricycle. Because Juliet will officially turn two while Ray is gone, we chose to give the tricycle to her early.  I wanted to just buy it and surprise her, but Ray insisted that we take her to the store to properly fit her with the appropriately-sized trike.  (I'm still not convinced that tricycles really have different sizes like bikes, but that's not a battle that was worth fighting.)

So we loaded up Anna, picked Juliet up from school a little early, and headed to Toys R Us to pick out the perfect tricycle.  I posted on Facebook that this was a rookie mistake, and that is an understatement.  Upon entering the store, Juliet wanted to play with every single toy we passed.  Thankfully, she didn't want to take each one home, but she definitely wanted to play with each one.  That, of course, meant that the 200-yard walk to the rear of the store took quite a while.  After ten short minutes in the store, Anna lost her baby mind and began screaming to be fed.  I tried to stall for as long as I could, but that wasn't very long.  I finally just had to leave Ray and Juliet with the tricycles and head out to the car to feed Anna. 

As I was finishing up feeding Anna, Juliet and Ray came out of the store with her brand new, shiny, pink Radio Flyer tricycle.  She was on the trike, and he was pushing her, and it was just this amazing, perfect scene - truly, something Andy Warhol might have painted.  Our angelic first daughter with her proud father, bonding over a classic toy.  They got to the car, and Ray asked Juliet to get off the tricycle so that we could go home with her brand new tricycle.

And then all hell broke loose.  Our toddler lost her mind and began screaming and crying, "My bike! My bike! My bike!"  Ray tried to reason with her, explaining that the bike was coming with us, that she could ride it as much as she wanted as soon as we got home, that it was - indeed - hers.  Her tantrum was one of epic proportions.  (To be honest, I've only seen her throw one more tantrum like that, and I still have a little PTSD from that four-hour ordeal.)  She was absolutely inconsolable, and no amount of explaining or reassuring seemed to make a difference.  Ray got frustrated.  I got frustrated.  Juliet continued to scream.  In the middle of the parking lot.  Like a maniac.  Finally, I said, "That is enough!" and jumped out to see if I could make a difference.  Ray cautioned me, "There are probably cameras all over this parking lot."  (I was reminded of an amazing story my friend Susie tells about an episode she had with her oldest daughter in the parking lot of Quincy's Wal-Mart wherein Susie talks about how glad she is that there were not cameras in parking lots then.) 

I loaded Juliet into her car seat (against her will).  I got her buckled in (against her will).  And I put the tricycle in her lap.  Obviously, the tricycle was too big to fit in her lap and was heavy.  Still crying, she said, "Help please! Help please! Help please!"  Using every ounce of patience I had left, I managed to convince her that I could help her by putting her bike on the seat next to her.  The entire ride home, she kept repeating, "My bike" but at least she wasn't screaming it. 

I am so very glad that Juliet likes her present.  And I am glad to have learned a very valuable lesson about Toys R Us.  We will never darken the doors of that store with children in tow again.  Ever.

Growing Girl

Chunky Monkey

Two weeks ago, I took Anna to the doctor for her two week check up.  Everything was wonderful - she was gaining weight nicely and was healthy and strong.

Two days ago, I took Anna to the doctor because she was congested and starting to cough.  I wanted them to listen to her lungs and be sure that what I was hearing in Anna's congestion was simply the crud that both Juliet and I have and not something more serious.  (Anna's so very new that I worry about her ability to fight off germs.)  Nikki, the PA, confirmed that Anna was just fine besides the head cold.

In the course of the exam two days ago, they - of course - weighed her.  And, in two short weeks, she'd gained nearly two pounds.  Two. Pounds.  In two weeks.  No wonder she has a double chin!  Anna has had two days in recent weeks wherein she wanted to eat every thirty minutes.  That's very hard on me for several reasons, but it's all totally worth it when I see how well she's growing.

She's also starting stay awake for a while after her day time meals, and she's even starting to smile at me... I think it's in response to me tickling her and not just gas.  Meh, maybe not.  Whatever.  I'll go with it's her smiling at me.  I love these changes and am so happy to see her thriving.

One Month

Rocking the baby 'fro.

Today, Anna is one month old.  This past month has been one of the best and most difficult of my life.  Our second daughter is simply amazing.  We thought Juliet was an easy baby, but Anna is even easier.  She pretty much only cries when she is hungry or gassy, and she is an excellent sleeper.  She is only up twice a night, which is better than some two year-olds we know.  She sleeps right through Juliet's loud play, through Juliet running up and down the hallway outside her door, and even through Juliet's temper tantrums. 

Her strength is outrageous - she can already roll onto her side, so rolling from her back to her tummy should come soon.  She holds her head and neck up very, very well (and has since the day she was born - like her sister).

I love her hair.  Ray joked early on that Anna must be the UPS guy's child because of her head full of dark hair, but I had hair just like that when I was born.  Ray has, apparently, just never seen pictures of me as an infant.  I suppose that I could (or should) try to fix her hair, but I can't bring myself to do so.  I have to confess that after I give her a bath, I don't even attempt to put her hair down... I might even be sure to fluff it up.  I think she rocks her baby 'fro pretty well.

Her little personality is already starting to reveal itself.  She really does not like her car seat unless the car is rolling along at a good clip, and she has no problem letting you know that she's unhappy.  She loves to snuggle and would sleep all day on our chests if we'd let her.  She is just now starting to spend some time each day awake, and we have loved looking at her bright eyes and her wild hair.

Anna has been such a wonderful addition to our family, and she serves as a constant source of amazement.  I look at her and am overwhelmed by how much I love her, her sister, and her father.  Love really is amazing.  Anna is also living, breathing proof that God is good.  Trying to prepare for Ray's absence during the first month of her life was challenging to say the least, but Anna was a bright spot in all of this.  Sitting in bed in the mornings with Anna and Ray, waiting on Juliet to wake up and join us, all I could think about was how wonderful our family and life is.

My friend Amanda told me after her son was born that God doesn't give you what you cannot handle, and Anna has shown me that my friend was right.  With a boisterous and independent toddler in the house and a husband working hard to get ready to leave for an extended period of time, I'm not sure I could have handled a difficult infant.  There are moments I'm not sure I can handle single mom life for longer than a few hours, and in those moments, I hear Ray's voice saying, "You can do this.  And you will."

Happy one-month, Anna girl.  We love you and are so glad you're here.

Practicing her Karate Kid moves.

SF Curse

Jack's* girls... Minus Ninja

Before we went for our big ultrasound with Juliet, both Ray and I knew she would be a girl.  I knew because I was a crazy pregnant woman, but Ray said he knew he'd have a girl "because it's the SF curse.  We all have girls."  He was referring to his job in the Army; apparently, men who do his job tend to have only girls.  I pointed out one guy on his team who has two boys, and he responded, "Yeah, but he's weird. ... And he's the only one."

With Anna, I really didn't know if she'd be a boy or a girl, but Ray again was certain it'd be a girl for the same reason he knew Juliet would be a girl.  In what was a moment of sheer insanity, I did tell Ray, "If you want to try once more for a boy, I'd be willing to try."  His response was simple and immediate.  He said, "No way.  I love my girls."

So my dear husband, who is as tough as they come, is surrounded by girls.  One of his friends (who has three girls with his wife) said, "Congrats on your newest girl! And welcome to hormone hell."  To his credit, he has embraced this life with open arms.  He insisted that the tricycle we got Juliet for her second birthday be pink even though I was leaning towards the traditional red Radio Flyer.  He consistently picks out girly things for them (with the rare camo onesie thrown in), and he has even tackled fixing Juliet's hair on more than one occasion. 

He jokes with the cat (who, by the way, is neutered) and says, "It's just you and me, pal.  We gotta stick together."  But it's moments like these that I know he really is completely happy with his house full of Handley girls:

And last weekend, as we sat in the spitting rain at the FSU game, Ray saw someone he went to high school with making the trek up 50-something rows and observed in a serious and pitying tone, "Poor guy.  God cursed him with two sons."

Juliet, Anna, and I are lucky ladies for sure.

*Ray is "Jack" to all military people, and since the curse is related to his service, it's only fitting that we're "Jack's Girls."

The Education of Handley Girls

As I am sure all parents do, Ray and I spend a decent amount of time talking about our girls' future.  A lot of that discussion centers on what we want for them in terms of education.  When it comes to informal education, we talk about things we want them to learn: the value of hard work, a healthy sense of competition, how to change a tire, the importance of financial responsibility, independence, etc. We almost always agree on the importance of these types of things when we envision the kind of women we want to raise. 

When we talk about formal education, the questions get much more detailed and our answers are not quite as much in alignment: do we want them to attend private or public schools? Should they live in a dorm when they go to college?  What are we doing to prepare for paying for college?  What are we willing to pay for in terms of helping them through college?  Which college should they go to?

Between the two of us, Ray and I have four degrees from Florida State.  In my mind, this obviously means that UF is not an option for either Juliet or Anna to attend.  Ray, however, insists upon injecting logic into the conversation and maintains that they are welcome to go to UF as it is a very good school.  I always roll my eyes when he says that and point out that if they go to UF, they will then, of course, be Gators.  Sigh.  I have no idea why he doesn't understand my position on this.  Fortunately, I have about 16 years to convince him I'm right on this one.

Regardless of where they end up attending college, one thing is certain: we will raise them to be Seminoles.  And as long as I am in charge of purchasing their FSU apparel, they will be wearing only the traditional Chief Osceola.  (I will not even bother providing you a link to the travesty that is the "updated" logo or all the discussion (a.k.a "outrage") it caused.)

Ready to watch the Noles play the Citadel in the home opener 9/6/14